Starcade
2012-01-27 23:19:14 UTC
2012 New Year’s Hard Challenge
“A Few More Impossible Tasks Before Dinner” -- “Team ‘We Are Nuts!’”:
May Wong from “Kaleido Star: New Wings”, Sousuke Sagara and Kaname
Chidori from “Full Metal Panic”, and me…
------------
Today was the day I knew I was in for it.
Exactly WHAT I was in for, I could not say in any capacity.
After a weekend which can best be described as a birthday party with
voice talent sweethearts run by a bunch of… better that not be
described …, I got the ol’ ZapITron 3000 ready for the Hard Challenge
this year.
So I fired the thing up and get May Wong -- alone -- first.
“May!!”, I exclaim.
“Michael!! Pleasure to see you!”, May said as she hugged me. “Great
job on ‘Fear Factor’.”, she smiled.
Oh, great… THAT…
“Well, I guess you’ve seen me naked, so I guess we can let that go by
the boards…”, I began (to a chuckle from May and a swing of her hips),
but was cut off by a couple of voices…
“Ahh, your teammates are here…”, I remarked as Sousuke and Kaname
showed up.
“Where are we?”, Kaname remarked to her protector.
“I do not know, Kaname. All of a sudden, the two of us were taken by
this white light. Since you are still with me, though, our mission is
still ongoing, so Mithril will only take this as a slight
distraction.”, Sousuke Sagara said to Kaname.
“Ahh, there you are!”, I said to the pair.
“And you are…”, Sousuke said.
“I’m Michael, Sousuke, and I brought you here for a New Year’s
Challenge. And, Kaname, seeing you in person makes you look even more
stunning than you are in…”, I said, until I ended up against the wall
with a gun to my chin!!
“You will explain your terrorist tendencies and release us at once,
Michael, and…”, Sousuke ordered.
That is, until Kaname pulled her ever-present paper fan out of
Malletspace and promptly conked Sousuke over the head with it!!
(PAPER FAN COUNT: 1)
“Augh!! Seriously, Sousuke… Will you cut it out with the guns?”,
Kaname roared.
Sousuke released me, and Kaname walked up to me.
“So, since you brought us here, where are we and what are we to do?
We’re on vacation, so we do have about a week…”, Kaname noted to me.
“Well, you are in California, Kaname. I have been notified that we
are to take part in a ceremony regarding the commission of a time
capsule.”, I said to her.
“A time capsule?”, May pondered.
“Sounds interesting. Tell us more, Michael.”, Sousuke requested.
“I’m not sure what it’s all about, but I was told to come down, as
they’d have a list of things they wanted us to get for the capsule, so
we should head to downtown Riverside right now and pick up the list.”,
I said, as May sidled up to an increasingly-embarrassed Sousuke.
I took the opportunity to pull Kaname over.
“You did look hot in that bikini, though…”, I said, as she turned
about four shades of red. She was too startled by the comment to pull
out the paper fan on me, though.
When she finally could speak, she said, “Thank you.”, and hugged me.
“I’ve been trying to get him to notice me and take the next step for a
long time now! He‘s an annoying twit and a military maniac, but
there‘s something about the guy I just can‘t get enough of!”
-------------------
After the (very dry, boring, and overstated) ceremony announcing the
possible death of us all in about eleven months, we were given the
list of what we were to bring to the time capsule.
“And we’re putting this thing on the Moon why?”, Sousuke wondered.
“Because the Mayans believe the world is going to end this December,
and the country wanted to form teams to find things to send in a time
capsule to the Moon for extraterrestrials to know us by should that
belief be correct.”, I explained.
“So let’s take a look at the list…”, May said.
Then she face-palmed.
That stopped us in our tracks.
“What is it, May?”, Kaname said.
“This is impossible. Even beyond what we did a couple years ago,
Michael!”, May remarked as she handed me the list.
-------------------
After a couple minutes with the list, it sounded like she was right!
“This is going to be quite difficult, Michael.”, Sousuke pondered as
he was planning his attack.
“Let’s see here:
Copy of the current New York Times… That one’s trivial.
One of the team with a ticket to a Broadway show… For me, that might
take a little infiltration, but I do know where I can find one at
little (comparable) expense.
One of the team at the NASA “Vomit Comet” training facility…
A round-the-world visit to all seven Wonders of the World -- but they
don’t say which and I know the classic ones cannot be completed…
One of us with The Pope
One of us with Barack Obama
And One of us flashing a victory sign at the final resting place with
the corpse of Kim Jung Il.”
“Another day at the office for the Hard Challenge!”, I remarked.
That got me the paper fan.
(PAPER FAN COUNT: 2)
“My God, Michael!! What are you saying? Half these things are
imposs… Waitaminute…” Kaname noted.
“Yeah… It’s basically a gathering quest on steroids. And if Soldier-
Boy over here has the connections he claims to have, we should be able
to get an in on some of these. I can see if I can talk to the Chinese
to let me do a goodwill mission with respect to the death of the
leader of North Korea…”, May mused.
“And the sign for victory is the same as the sign for peace…”, Sousuke
stated.
“… and the sign for flipping people off in the United Kingdom…”, I
chuckled.
“Well, I have a cell phone for my end. Sousuke has various small
cameras for his behalf. May, what do you have?”, Kaname wondered.
“I have a camera of my own. Michael does not, however…”, May said.
“It might not be wise for him to take part in several of these
missions, from the recon I’m able to gather on this one.”, Sousuke
noted.
“Be that as it may, we need to get started. So let’s go to the
nearest pharmacy and grab that New York Times!”, I said.
The group smiled, and our challenge had begun.
--------------------------
We didn’t just get one picture with the Times -- we got about ten!!
Each of us was trying to give the “rabbit ears” to the others. May
was especially playful, and Kaname was as well (mostly with an
increasingly exasperated Sousuke!).
“That was fun… Anything from the Chinese Consulate, May?”, I asked,
as she had just hung up her phone.
“Will have to see them later today on that. They’re skeptical, but my
time in China might give them some cause to consider my request. My
time on Kaleido Stage should do the rest…”, May noted.
“But how are they going to know?”, I asked, thinking they might not
believe May.
“Well, there’s always the Super Bowl!!”, May smiled.
“Good thinking, May!!”, I smiled back.
“Yeah!”, Kaname agreed. “You seem to be resourceful enough.”
“Where do you want us to go?”, Sousuke asked me.
“First off, no guns on this mission. I actually asked you to be part
of this for some ‘heavy firepower’, Sousuke.”, I explained.
“Unfortunately for you, none is required here, and the presence of
your massive arsenal will only aggravate matters.”
“Your first stop, Sousuke, is New York City.”, I told him. “If you’d
like, take Kaname out to a Broadway show for the tickets…”
Kaname sidled up to Sousuke as if to talk him into it.
“I don’t understand how that would work…”, was all Sousuke got out
before he got another shot with the paper fan.
(PAPER FAN COUNT: 3)
“SOU-SUKE!!!!! Are you that dense?”, Kaname howled.
“There is another way, Kaname. If he’s just not up to it, I have
another way you can do this…”, I told her as I went to get a paper and
pen.
I wrote down a number which almost approximated a Social Security
Number.
“I know of a place where there is a Broadway ticket -- and unused!!”,
I told her.
“Where is this?”, May asked me.
“The New York City Police Department Property Clerk.”, I answered.
“When I was arrested in 1998...”, I said, when Sousuke threw me to the
ground and put the gun to my back.
(PAPER FAN COUNT: 4)
“Seriously!!”, Kaname yelled.
“This man is a threat to you…”, Sousuke asserted.
(PAPER FAN COUNT: 5)
“Cut it out! It’s not going to help -- and if we’re going to actually
do this project, he’s part of it and is doing recon for us. So put
that gun away and let’s hear him out.”, Kaname demanded.
“The number I just gave Kaname…”, I restarted as I picked myself up
and dusted myself off, “is the Book and Case Number of my 1998-99
criminal case. Although the belongings might’ve been destroyed in
1999, there’s a chance they’re retaining it for further anticipated
criminal action.”
At that, he threw me to the ground. This time, Kaname was quick
enough not to let him get the gun out!
(PAPER FAN COUNT: 6)
“Enough, Sousuke…”, Kaname yelled.
“But this man is all but a terrorist under the present definitions…”,
Sousuke explained.
“STOP WHINING!!”, Kaname called out. That finally did the trick.
“Go to the NYPD Property Clerk and ask for the trial evidence
associated with this Book and Case Number. There should be an unused
Broadway show ticket, dated May 24, 1998, which should do the trick.
All you need is a picture. Claim you’re part of the press for a story
on celebrity security or something to that effect…”, I explained.
“And, while you’re there, guys… Go find an Internet café and take a
picture there. The Internet is one of the New Seven Wonders of the
World, as voted on by USA Today.”, I concluded.
“Good thinking! Where are you going?”, Kaname asked me.
“As you said, recon. I need to find out if May can actually go to
North Korea. I’ve actually got a side trip for her into China for
another of the Seven Wonders. I’ve probably got a trip to the Grand
Canyon myself, which was voted into the list as an extra. We have to
replace one of the seven on the list, since the African migration on
the Serengeti does not happen for another seven months.”, I answered.
“So I’ll go home and check up on things. You guys contact me when
you’re done. Should be a day or two before I hear from you two…”, I
said to Kaname and Sousuke.
--------------------
(Writer’s Note: You may now play the “Sousuke’s Up To Something”
music from Fumoffu. J )
“Why can’t we just do what Michael told us?”, Kaname said with
consternation.
“I don’t trust him. I don’t trust his motivations here.”, Sousuke
replied.
“We have to get a Broadway ticket, and since you’re too dense or too
stupid to want to take me out on a date, Michael’s idea is a solid
one!”, Kaname replied as she walked in to the office of the New York
Police Department Property Clerk.
“So just stay out here and shut up if you don’t want to get us both
shot!”, Kaname shot to Sousuke as she turned to speak with the Clerk.
After a significant amount of discussion -- and more than a little
laughter -- Kaname is actually led back to the bowels of the property
office.
-------------------
An hour later, we now had two things from the list finished…
“All done!! Man, Michael got in some serious trouble. They are
retaining it, under orders from the FBI for a future anticipated
incident.” Kaname explained. “The clerk actually took the picture of
me with the unused ticket.”
“How did you do it?”, Sousuke wondered.
“My family lives in New York. Before the accident, this was my
hometown. It helped that several of the people in the office could be
convinced I actually was from _this_ New York…”, Kaname smiled.
“So it’s not a problem then. So where’s this ‘Internet café’ Michael
was talking about?”, Sousuke asked.
--------------------
Meanwhile, back in California, May and I were just leaving the Chinese
Consulate in Los Angeles.
“I guess being a celebrity has it’s advantages.”, I said to her.
“Yeah. Between my appearance at the Super Bowl and my time on Kaleido
Stage, they basically were able to quickly contact the North Koreans.
Sadly, I probably am going to have to read some propaganda statements
to glorify the new regime… Yuck.”, May revulsed.
“Even Ric Flair had to do that. Trust me, he was happy to be on the
ground in Japan. So you leave immediately and are available again to
the outside world in 48 hours?”, I checked.
“Yessir!!”, May beamed with a hug.
“OK. It’s off to the Grand Canyon with me. That should be a
helicopter ride from Las Vegas, so a couple days in Vegas while you
guys get straightened around in Asia, as I’m probably going to have at
least one Wonder of the World for you to get for us in Tibet…”, I told
her.
“You can let me know in Tokyo! My tickets for home await!!”, May
yelled as she bounded off toward a waiting taxi. God help that
driver!
---------------------
Sousuke was completely out of his element (not that that was
unusual!!) in a Manhattan Internet café/gaming center.
“So Michael always came here when he saw that woman?”, Sousuke asked.
“The Property Clerk said that he did, several times. In fact, this
was a place they took evidence of his computer usage -- though it was
mostly the removal of several hundred insulting spam e-mails -- on the
day of his arrest.”, Kaname said.
“Why didn’t they just arrest him here?”, Sousuke wondered for intel
purposes.
“Probably because they’d fear they’d have to shoot him if he was up to
something…”, Kaname sighed, as they went to side-by-side computers.
“Perhaps gunpoint would’ve brought Michael to his senses… I want out
of this mission, and I want you out with me.”, Sousuke demanded.
“This is a threat to your safety…”
(PAPER FAN COUNT: 7)
“That’s ENOUGH, Sousuke!!”, Kaname glared. “And I’ll hit you again if
I have to. We’re going through with OUR mission (including Michael’s)
before we go home… Now sit down and check your e-mail or something
while I set up this camera…”
Kaname set up her camera on her cellphone where it could easily take
the picture of both of them using one of the Modern Wonders of the
World, The Internet, before SOPA would have to shut it down.
On command, they smiled, showed the victory symbol, and that picture
was taken. Six more Wonders to go.
---------------------
By this time, I was already in the air over the Grand Canyon. Las
Vegas routinely has helicopter tours over the Grand Canyon, so it was
not hard to find one.
I was just struck by the absolute grandeur of the place, and never
really got the idea as to why it wasn’t named directly to the list of
Modern Wonders. But with the Migration on the Serengeti seven months
away, we took the substitution where we could find it!
I am deathly afraid of helicopters, but time was of the essence, so I
took the opportunity (and May was paying out of her significant
savings, so who was I to complain??). It was almost as if Mother
Nature had framed it for me -- sun was setting, guide was having me
stand with the grandest of the canyon as my backdrop in a beautiful
reddish…
With another picture, another Modern Wonder of the World was in the
books. Basically, five more Wonders to go.
---------------------
After a long flight to Beijing and a security clearance, May Wong was
placed into formal Chinese mourners’ clothing and whisked over to one
of the most bizarre places on Earth: Pyongyang, North Korea.
The entire place just appeared… bleak. It just seemed as if there
was NOTHING there. Everything seemed black-and-white.
May Wong was ordered to say nothing -- from the time she was to land
in North Korea to the time she was to give a statement to the
assembled press for the event. She would then be immediately escorted
to a waiting plane for Tokyo. She was allowed one attendant to take
the picture for her, though the press would gladly provide for more,
as a statement of the joint victory of the glorious Communists in
China and North Korea.
May was given a wreath of flowers as she headed into the Kumsusan
Memorial Palace, where Kim Jong-Il was laid to rest.
May slowly walked, showing none of her trademark fire whatsoever, as
she was escorted to the final resting place of North Korea’s “Eternal
Leader”. Since Kim Jong-Il had only been named as such about a week
before, Wong’s appearance was actually a very positive coup for the
North Koreans, as it demonstrated the joint wills of China and North
Korean Communists against the oppression of South Korea, the United
States, and the remainder of the West.
Wong walked to the preserved body, knelt (as ordered), and placed the
wreath. She then stood, turned around, and gave the symbol of
victory.
She was then handed a piece of paper, and made the following statement
in English:
“We come in respect to the ‘Eternal Leader’, and the glory to which he
represents in the continuing struggle of our cause. Our moral
superiority to the oppressors of the West will lead us to victory over
them, with our ‘Eternal Leader’, for which he will be forever praised,
to lead us into an enlightened time. Thank you.”
--------------------------
“That was the dirtiest thing I ever had to do, Michael. And I never
want it repeated.”, were May’s first words on the phone the instant
she landed in Tokyo‘s airport and was released from Chinese-North
Korean custody.
“They literally provided me 100 pictures of me smiling and giving the
symbol of victory (if you can call being shot if I didn’t smile
‘victory‘), so I could give them to the Americans… God, I want to
vomit…”, May said.
“Michael… They aren’t even human over there. They’re machines.
Starving, begging machines -- subservient in all ways to their
leaders.”, May continued to my speechless listening.
“When this all blows up, Michael… Pray I am nowhere near Korea. My
God, what that will turn in to…”, May concluded.
To whatever expense to her sanity, we had the third item on the list.
“Are you OK, May? Do you need some time??”, I asked her.
After a sigh and a long wait, she said, “No. I just want to go
elsewhere. Where to next?”
“Would you like to go back to China?”, I asked her. “Or are you…”
“Absolutely. Where to?”, May perked up. Some of the fire was finally
coming back into her voice. A trip back to her home nation was just
what the acrobat ordered!
“The Potala Palace in the Tibet Autonomous Region. It was the palace
of the Dalai Lama for over 300 years. Part of it is a monestary which
dates back to the Seventh Century. You will need to be very expedient
in getting there, as there can be a wait to get in. There’s a strict
limit on the number of people who can visit there at any given day.”,
I noted.
“OK, I can get…”, May said before I cut her off.
“There is one other thing you need to be careful of…”, I said
ominously.
“And that is?”, May asked.
“It’s at 12,000 feet, May.”, I responded.
“On it!!”, May barked back, and hung up the phone.
I wonder if I pissed her off there.
-----------------------
Just after I got off the phone with May, Sousuke and Kaname called.
“What’s up, you two?”, I asked.
“Just finished in New York. Where to next?”, Kaname excitedly
wondered.
I checked over the list.
“Let’s see… Today is Monday, should be Tuesday by the time you get
there. The Pope holds a weekly auditorium audience every Wednesday,
and, if you’re lucky and/or connected enough, you can get a picture
with him there.”, I noted, as I was also scanning various forums on
the subject.
“How do we go about that?”, Sousuke butted in.
“You’ll need to go to the Church of Santa Sussanna right near the St.
Regis Hotel in Rome. Get your name on the list, and they’ll let as
many in as they can. But then you better be good, lucky, and hope you
can get an ear of somebody to get the picture: There are usually only
a couple thousand seats for an auditorium audience which can exceed
twenty thousand!!”
“You can also contact a special Bishops’ Office to the Vatican for
American visitors to get tickets as well. I’ll e-mail you the
address.
Kaname then had a question: “You talked about connections to get a
picture. Would our project be sufficient?”
“Doubtful, frankly, Kaname, but it’s worth a shot. Your guess is as
good as mine, but do try to get a picture with him. If all else
fails, you’ll have to hang in til Sunday and kludge one when Pope
Benedict XVI comes out on the balcony at about noon.”, I sadly said.
“I don’t think we have that long. Where’s May, and how much more have
we got to do?”, Kaname wondered in response.
“May just got the picture at Kim Jung-Il’s corpse, and is headed to a
Wonder of the World in her home nation of China. I just got done at
the Grand Canyon, and am heading to another Wonder of the World: a
marine nature preserve I’m not even going to try to pronounce in
Hawaii. From there, the Mayan Ruins for me, and let’s hope we can get
you two together with May in Jerusalem. From there, hopefully a polar
flight home to pick up the polar ice caps.”, I stated.
“Got it!! We’re on our way.”, Sousuke said with a military firmness.
“Next stop: The Vatican!”, Kaname noted as she hung up.
-------------------------
MY next stop was another of the newest Wonders of the World: The
Paphanaumokuakea Marine National Monument in Hawaii, which I set off
for.
Fortunately, the nature of what I was there for allowed the people
there to be ready for me, as I was notified that I could do what I
needed to do there in the name of science, as long as I disrupted none
of the Monument, nor the research.
“It is a set of islands which represent where life is born, and re-
born after death.”, a guide explained to me shortly after my arrival.
It is a Marine Protected Area, consisting of a large geographic area,
with ten islands thereon.”
“Habitats from ancient times are here, largely untouched and left for
research, as well as remains from many centuries ago which indicate
that there were original people here long before the Europeans began
to colonize the area.”
This area simply was beautiful and pristine. “We had just found some
new coral species a little more than a year ago in a diving expedition
to the site. We’re still carefully harvesting so we can show them to
visitors who come to the Monument.”, the guide continued.
When asked for any questions, I just stood there, dumbfounded at the
natural beauty of the place. I finally asked for permission to take
pictures of the place (as well as myself in a couple of them, just
marveling at the natural beauty), and literally filled the camera full
of images to upload to my computer.
---------------------
As I was heading to the Mayan Ruins themselves, May Wong was being
sent on a helicopter to the heights of Tibet.
At about 12,000 feet in the city of Lhasa in the Tibet Autonomous
Region of China, the Potala Palace just seemed to open up in the air
to May and the people around her as they were being flown in.
It was a cloudy, cold day in Tibet. May was bundled up, and just
awestruck as to the abject beauty of the former residence of the Dalai
Lama.
She literally was walking around, almost with her jaw on the ground as
she was looking at the architecture and art all over the place.
May was just speechless and proud of her home country, and prayed for
peace in China before she asked some people to take pictures of her
there before she whisked herself off to Jerusalem.
----------------------
Sousuke and Kaname were having time and a half, though, trying to get
through to the office of American visitors to the Vatican.
“We need a picture with the Pope…”, Kaname explained.
“It’s important to our mission…”, Sousuke tried to help.
He failed. “You have to understand, even getting yourself in to the
audience is a rare occasion this late in the process, and you are very
fortunate to even get in.”, the bishop said.
“Is there any way that we can…”, Sousuke asked.
Kaname cut him off. “Probably blind luck. The bishop did say that
Pope Benedict sometimes is driven through the crowd. Perhaps we can
get fortunate there. The audience is about to start. Let’s go in.”
So they went in. Thousands upon thousands of international pilgrims
filled the chamber. Most had to stand, as Sousuke and Kaname did,
while the Pope held his audience with the assembled seated in front.
The faithful prayed for the health of Pope Benedict XVI, and he
finally went into the Popemobile to bless the crowd more personally.
The audience began to crowd the barriers.
“Sousuke! Take position right near the barrier and I’m going to try
to get the one shot with the Pope as he comes past.”, Kaname yelled.
“Roger that!”, Sousuke responded.
“And don’t you dare do anything stupid!!”, Kaname ordered.
The Pope, luckily, was coming up the aisle in which Sousuke and Kaname
were near, and Kaname, with lots of practice taking pictures on her
cellphone with deadly precision, snapped a picture just as Pope
Benedict XVI came into the shot of the Pope with Sousuke.
Just then, the Popemobile stopped. It was as if the Pope had ordered
it to do so. He looked at Sousuke and Kaname, did the Sign of the
Cross, and it even appeared as if he had smiled as he bowed his head.
It was as if he had blessed the pair. So they, as requested by me,
headed off to Jerusalem.
--------------------
While all this was going on, I had somehow sauntered my way into
Mexico, for the ruins which largely led to our little adventure.
December, 2012 was to mark the end of the Mayan calendar. And the
Mayan Ruins of the Yucatan Peninsula of Mexico were a focal point of
this year, as people from all over the world came to the ruins to take
a gander at the ancient civilization of the Mayans.
I, to no one’s surprise, was absolutely floored by the advanced nature
of the ruins, at least for the time of the creation of the buildings
with respect to their retention of the natural beauty of the Yucatan
Peninsula. Platforms and pyramids and even ruins of courts of a game
which was a predecessor to basketball (where the losers were beheaded,
and their heads made the balls for the next game!).
Much like the experiences I was told by May at Potola Palace, I was
just in shock at how the Mayans actually did what they were able to
do.
Pictures were taken (almost forgot to get a volunteer to get my big
face in one of them), and that left us with just two more wonders to
complete the set -- and Kaname, Sousuke, and May were going to meet up
to get those, then jet back to California for our final two tasks
before the shuttle launch.
------------------
Needless to say, if Pope Benedict XVI proved a bit crowded, the next
task for the group proved even more so.
They tried to find a good site to get of the Old City of Jerusalem,
and the three chose the Western Wall.
The Western, or Wailing Wall, in Jerusalem is one of the holiest sites
in Judaism. It is basically one of the seats from which God’s Power
itself rests and blesses Jews all throughout the world. As a result,
Kaname was, upon clearing the metal detectors at the western entrance
to the plaza adjacent to the wall, given a covering to cover her legs
-- as women were ordered to wear appropriate, modest clothing.
“But some of the guests appear to be working on their tans here…”,
Sousuke said. “So why do you have to cover up?”
“Because, like our little situation with Pope Benedict, it’s respect
for the holy nature of the place and the task we are meant to do.
Just because others disrespect the situation does not mean we have to,
or are allowed to…”, Kaname noted in return. “So no stupid stuff…”
May was getting fitted for the cover for her legs, as the attendants
felt her shorts far too showy for the respect of the wall.
“Yeah, Sousuke. You also need to put on one of those yamakahs over
there.”, May noted as she joined the pair.
“Why do I have to do that?”, Sousuke stupidly wondered.
Kaname would’ve added to the Paper Fan Count, except violence at the
Wailing Wall would be rather stupid.
“Because, if you don’t, you can’t take part with us, nor get near the
wall. I’ll be more than happy to help the attendants escort your
stupidity out of here if necessary. So get the paper yamakah, put it
on, and STOP WHINING!!!”, Kaname howled.
She was quickly quieted, due to the reverent nature of the Wall.
“Sousuke, you’re also going to have to separate from us. Men go pray
over there. We need to go pray in our own section for women.”, Kaname
noted.
“And, here, Sousuke…”, May added, as she handed Sousuke a small piece
of paper and a writing tool. “Write your prayer on the paper and
place it into the cracks in the wall. See all that paper over there?
That’s a tradition of the Wailing Wall. We’re going to do the same in
our section, and Kaname will do the pictures.”
“Sousuke, again… NOTHING STUPID…”, Kaname demanded.
At that, they went to pray. After a silent moment, they all wrote
prayers and placed them into the wall. Kaname then took a number of
pictures with May, before she got a couple pictures with Sousuke at a
distance, and only the polar ice caps (which they would get pictures
of on their return flight to America, as long as they found the right
route to do so) remained.
Sousuke’s prayer: “For the defeat of our enemies and for success in
our mission.”
Kaname’s prayer: “That that bakka soldier of mine would understand
I’m only trying to help him.”
May’s prayer consisted of one word: “Peace.”
------------------
Two days (and several exasperated phone calls later -- and with the
plane going over the polar ice caps, Kaname somehow getting several
good pictures of the ice caps, and she even put May near the window of
the plane to get one of them) later, we all were reunited.
“Guys!!! Great to see all of you!”, I said.
At that, May dropped everything she was carrying.
She ran to me, crying, and hugged me.
“What I did in Korea made me feel dirty, Michael. I just want you to
know that. I don’t ever want to go back to North Korea.”, she said.
The others nodded, and kept their distance.
Just then, May gasped and grabbed me again…
“By the way, Michael… Happy birthday…”, she said, to a smile from me.
-------------------
“OK, Internet picture, check. Grand Canyon, Hawaiian nature preserve,
and Mayan ruins from me, check. Wailing wall in Jerusalem, check.
Potala Palace, check. And you just got the polar ice caps. Nice
catch, Kaname!!!”, I noted as we completed the Seven Wonders part of
the list.
“Thank you, Michael! I knew we could do it!!”, Kaname said with her
trademark confidence.
“So what else is left?”, Sousuke wondered.
“Well, we also got the New York Times picture, the Broadway ticket
picture, the picture from Korea, and the picture of the Pope.”, May
ticked off.
“So that means we have to go to the ‘Vomit Comet’ yet…”, I noted.
“Leave that to me and Sousuke, Michael. I think I know a way we can
get him in.”, Kaname said, as she took Sousuke and began to head there
with great insistence.
“So that leaves us with President Obama to get a picture with.”, May
told me.
Now I was sick to my stomach. Me, with the Teleprompter President??
--------------------
Sousuke and Kaname quickly made their way to the Johnson Space Center,
where Sousuke somehow used his Mithril credentials to get an audience
with the McDonnell Douglas C-9B Skytrain II now known as the “Vomit
Comet”.
“Are you certain they’re actually going to let us in that thing,
Sousuke?”, Kaname asked with wonder.
“The man I talked to laughed at me. He has no clue what he is about
to deal with. I can handle this.”, Sousuke said with confidence.
“He did say that about 2/3 of the people who get into the ‘Comet’
puke, though…”, Kaname warned.
“It’s not a problem.”, Sousuke said as he met with the people.
---------------------
Sure, it wasn’t a problem for Sousuke, but Kaname was having trouble
holding her stomach for the steep bank of the flight up.
“The plane must ascend at an angle of 45 degrees to create the
weightlessness effect desired, maggots…”, the hardened pilot told his
two passengers.
At that, they began to rise off the ground. Sousuke had this
nonplussed look on his face as Kaname began to snap pictures.
After about four pictures, Kaname was “killed”, at least in the
parlance of the “Vomit Comet”. She vomited, and basically lost about
four meals by the time it was all over.
Sousuke didn’t even lose a snack.
“So what was that all about?”, Sousuke asked once he got back on the
ground.
(PAPER FAN COUNT: 8 -- more like about 7.00001)
“I don’t even have the strength right now to do that, you jerk!”,
Kaname wheezed.
“I don’t understand what the problem was. We really need to get you
stronger…”, Sousuke said.
Just then, the pilot took Kaname’s paper fan and put one finger to his
mouth.
“I think you meant to do this to him!”, said the pilot.
(PAPER FAN COUNT: 9 -- and that made up for Kaname’s tired effort)
“Thank you. Now can I get some lunch and some fluids?”, Kaname
tiredly asked.
-------------------
Meanwhile, May was in Aurora, Colorado. Barack Obama was giving a
speech at Buckley Air Force Base, and May was actually able to gain
access (her performance in a prior Super Bowl and basically playing to
the Sports Fan-in-Chief’s weakness for the NFL did wonders).
Where was I? Surrounded by about five Secret Service officers about
20 miles away. They wouldn’t let me get any closer to the President,
but assured me that White House press photographers would get us the
pictures we needed, especially because President Obama was in full
support of the Lunar Time Capsule program.
After what seemed like two hours and an interminable number of
questions (and more than one implied gun!), May burst through the door
with a big grin, and about 40 pictures.
I was then quickly thrown into a car -- yes, _thrown_ -- and promptly
ordered to Denver and to the shuttle. Anywhere FAR away from this
President.
---------------------
We finally met up with everyone at the Kennedy Space Center. We were
the last group to complete our list and show up, and the countdown was
now under 12 hours to the launch of the lunar shuttle which would bury
the time capsule in the surface of the Moon.
“So, let’s go over the list you were given -- as we don’t have much
time before we have to close the capsule and seal the shuttle.”, the
collector of the photos said.
“Current copy of the New York Times… Check. (About ten of them.
Just toss ‘em all in…)”
“Picture declaring victory over Kim Jung Il… I still can’t believe
you actually got this woman into North Korea to do it, but… Check.”
A knot turned in May Wong’s stomach as the collector continued down
her list.
“Picture with the Pope… Check… Good call, you two… That’s how a lot
of people get their ‘Picture with the Pope’ these days, as direct
access to the Pope has been lessened over time.”
“Ticket to a Broadway show… Check, and unused, no less!!”
“’Vomit Comet’… Check. This gentleman could be useful for our Army.
He’s so cool, calm, and collected in zero-G.”
Now, the knot was in Kaname’s stomach with two more sets of items to
tick off.
“Picture with Obama… Check.”
“So that leaves the Seven Wonders. What did you select, Mr.
Falkner?”, the collector asked me.
“I selected the USA Today’s ‘New Seven Wonders’ list, according to
Wikipedia. However, one of the list was actually time-sensitive, the
African migration on the Serengeti.”, I responded.
“Fortunately, an eighth ‘Wonder’ was placed on the list through a fan
vote. Being a very Amero-centric vote, to no one’s surprise, it was
the Grand Canyon.”, I told her as I began handing her pictures from
that.
“Where’s the list?”, the collector asked.
“It’s on Wikipedia!”, Kaname beamed.
So, Wikipedia was accessed (fortunately, the SOPA protest blackout was
before the challenge began!!), and the list ticked off:
“Potala Palace… Impressive find, team!”, the collector said.
“Wailing Wall for Old Jerusalem. Got that one too.”
“Polar Ice Caps… How you pulled that one off in a plane, I’ll never
understand, but they are here!”
“That national monument in Hawaii… I can see by your face, Mr.
Falkner, that you really enjoyed that adventure.”
“The couple over here at an Internet café… Actually, given the user-
driven nature of the Internet, that’s a very appropriate setting for a
picture of the Internet. Nice call, you two!!”
“The Mayan ruins… and you skipped the Serengeti and got the Grand
Canyon instead. They’re all here!!”
“Nice job, team. Your task is completed. If you’d like, we have a
private observation deck about a mile or so from the launch, if you’d
like to see it…”, the collector concluded, as the pictures were
quickly being taken from us to be put into the capsule for proper
sealing.
--------------------
Kaname pulled me aside almost immediately.
“Michael, we HAVE to go…”, Kaname said in hushed tones. “I don’t know
if we can wait the four hours for the launch.”
“Are you sure you can’t make it? Make up an excuse… Something!!”, I
pleaded.
May agreed. “I know you guys have your commitments, but you can take
pride in all the work we’ve done to get this all together.”
Sousuke took a long look at his watch…
Just then, the countdown clock stopped…
“Oh great… We’re pushing it for time as it is, and something has
stopped the countdown clock!”, Kaname noted.
“We’ve been forced to abandon the launch for today… Estimated repair
time is unknown, so we do not know when, or even IF, we are going to
be able to launch the shuttle.”, a voice said to the assembled
observers.
Just then, Kaname tapped my shoulder.
“Goodbye, Michael. May, prepare to go back. Sousuke, cover me, but
do not show a gun unless necessary or Michael is dead!”, Kaname said
as she prepared to vault the tower to the ground.
“What the Hell are you doing?”, I began to raise my voice.
“It’s classified. When I wave my fan after I’m done, hit that button
immediately. Any gunshots, hit the button!!”, Kaname yelled back,
blowing me a kiss.
All I could think of was: Shit… Even if I can get them out, I’m
dead…
Basically, she ran for a beeline for the shuttle. Not exactly sure
how she got there without complete discovery, but Kaname was able to
get to the shuttle.
What happened next, none of us could explain, but the security was
beginning to close on Kaname when it looked like the entire rocket
with the shuttle on it was “glowing” black.
“What in the Hell is she DOING?”, we could hear over the mass of
chatter on the (mistakenly) open mic.
It almost looked like she was in a trance…
“This is why we have our mission, Michael.”, Sousuke told me flatly.
He was prepared to shoot at an instant’s notice.
“I know. She’s hearing the whispers.”, I said as I watched closely
for my signal.
May was just standing there, agape, prepared to go back.
“She’s getting the information from the whispers to fix the rocket…”,
I said, just as Kaname left the shuttle, started running 100 yards,
and waved her fan furiously.
“Take care, and you are out of here!!”, I said, hitting the button.
The flash of light meant the security could not find Kaname, and then,
the voices became even more startled…
“Do we restart the countdown? Something has happened which has made
the shuttle actually work! This thing is now efficient beyond all
known parameters!!”, the main technician said.
“Sir…”, the security-person noted. “There was a Caucasian female
right near the base of the shuttle when this all went crazy, but a
flash of light, and she is gone.”
“Locate her. We need to apprehend her. Meanwhile, restart the
countdown.”, was the reply from Mission Control.
By this point, I was heading to the nearest bus stop. I would see the
successful launch as the local busses pulled away.
No one was the wiser.
“A Few More Impossible Tasks Before Dinner” -- “Team ‘We Are Nuts!’”:
May Wong from “Kaleido Star: New Wings”, Sousuke Sagara and Kaname
Chidori from “Full Metal Panic”, and me…
------------
Today was the day I knew I was in for it.
Exactly WHAT I was in for, I could not say in any capacity.
After a weekend which can best be described as a birthday party with
voice talent sweethearts run by a bunch of… better that not be
described …, I got the ol’ ZapITron 3000 ready for the Hard Challenge
this year.
So I fired the thing up and get May Wong -- alone -- first.
“May!!”, I exclaim.
“Michael!! Pleasure to see you!”, May said as she hugged me. “Great
job on ‘Fear Factor’.”, she smiled.
Oh, great… THAT…
“Well, I guess you’ve seen me naked, so I guess we can let that go by
the boards…”, I began (to a chuckle from May and a swing of her hips),
but was cut off by a couple of voices…
“Ahh, your teammates are here…”, I remarked as Sousuke and Kaname
showed up.
“Where are we?”, Kaname remarked to her protector.
“I do not know, Kaname. All of a sudden, the two of us were taken by
this white light. Since you are still with me, though, our mission is
still ongoing, so Mithril will only take this as a slight
distraction.”, Sousuke Sagara said to Kaname.
“Ahh, there you are!”, I said to the pair.
“And you are…”, Sousuke said.
“I’m Michael, Sousuke, and I brought you here for a New Year’s
Challenge. And, Kaname, seeing you in person makes you look even more
stunning than you are in…”, I said, until I ended up against the wall
with a gun to my chin!!
“You will explain your terrorist tendencies and release us at once,
Michael, and…”, Sousuke ordered.
That is, until Kaname pulled her ever-present paper fan out of
Malletspace and promptly conked Sousuke over the head with it!!
(PAPER FAN COUNT: 1)
“Augh!! Seriously, Sousuke… Will you cut it out with the guns?”,
Kaname roared.
Sousuke released me, and Kaname walked up to me.
“So, since you brought us here, where are we and what are we to do?
We’re on vacation, so we do have about a week…”, Kaname noted to me.
“Well, you are in California, Kaname. I have been notified that we
are to take part in a ceremony regarding the commission of a time
capsule.”, I said to her.
“A time capsule?”, May pondered.
“Sounds interesting. Tell us more, Michael.”, Sousuke requested.
“I’m not sure what it’s all about, but I was told to come down, as
they’d have a list of things they wanted us to get for the capsule, so
we should head to downtown Riverside right now and pick up the list.”,
I said, as May sidled up to an increasingly-embarrassed Sousuke.
I took the opportunity to pull Kaname over.
“You did look hot in that bikini, though…”, I said, as she turned
about four shades of red. She was too startled by the comment to pull
out the paper fan on me, though.
When she finally could speak, she said, “Thank you.”, and hugged me.
“I’ve been trying to get him to notice me and take the next step for a
long time now! He‘s an annoying twit and a military maniac, but
there‘s something about the guy I just can‘t get enough of!”
-------------------
After the (very dry, boring, and overstated) ceremony announcing the
possible death of us all in about eleven months, we were given the
list of what we were to bring to the time capsule.
“And we’re putting this thing on the Moon why?”, Sousuke wondered.
“Because the Mayans believe the world is going to end this December,
and the country wanted to form teams to find things to send in a time
capsule to the Moon for extraterrestrials to know us by should that
belief be correct.”, I explained.
“So let’s take a look at the list…”, May said.
Then she face-palmed.
That stopped us in our tracks.
“What is it, May?”, Kaname said.
“This is impossible. Even beyond what we did a couple years ago,
Michael!”, May remarked as she handed me the list.
-------------------
After a couple minutes with the list, it sounded like she was right!
“This is going to be quite difficult, Michael.”, Sousuke pondered as
he was planning his attack.
“Let’s see here:
Copy of the current New York Times… That one’s trivial.
One of the team with a ticket to a Broadway show… For me, that might
take a little infiltration, but I do know where I can find one at
little (comparable) expense.
One of the team at the NASA “Vomit Comet” training facility…
A round-the-world visit to all seven Wonders of the World -- but they
don’t say which and I know the classic ones cannot be completed…
One of us with The Pope
One of us with Barack Obama
And One of us flashing a victory sign at the final resting place with
the corpse of Kim Jung Il.”
“Another day at the office for the Hard Challenge!”, I remarked.
That got me the paper fan.
(PAPER FAN COUNT: 2)
“My God, Michael!! What are you saying? Half these things are
imposs… Waitaminute…” Kaname noted.
“Yeah… It’s basically a gathering quest on steroids. And if Soldier-
Boy over here has the connections he claims to have, we should be able
to get an in on some of these. I can see if I can talk to the Chinese
to let me do a goodwill mission with respect to the death of the
leader of North Korea…”, May mused.
“And the sign for victory is the same as the sign for peace…”, Sousuke
stated.
“… and the sign for flipping people off in the United Kingdom…”, I
chuckled.
“Well, I have a cell phone for my end. Sousuke has various small
cameras for his behalf. May, what do you have?”, Kaname wondered.
“I have a camera of my own. Michael does not, however…”, May said.
“It might not be wise for him to take part in several of these
missions, from the recon I’m able to gather on this one.”, Sousuke
noted.
“Be that as it may, we need to get started. So let’s go to the
nearest pharmacy and grab that New York Times!”, I said.
The group smiled, and our challenge had begun.
--------------------------
We didn’t just get one picture with the Times -- we got about ten!!
Each of us was trying to give the “rabbit ears” to the others. May
was especially playful, and Kaname was as well (mostly with an
increasingly exasperated Sousuke!).
“That was fun… Anything from the Chinese Consulate, May?”, I asked,
as she had just hung up her phone.
“Will have to see them later today on that. They’re skeptical, but my
time in China might give them some cause to consider my request. My
time on Kaleido Stage should do the rest…”, May noted.
“But how are they going to know?”, I asked, thinking they might not
believe May.
“Well, there’s always the Super Bowl!!”, May smiled.
“Good thinking, May!!”, I smiled back.
“Yeah!”, Kaname agreed. “You seem to be resourceful enough.”
“Where do you want us to go?”, Sousuke asked me.
“First off, no guns on this mission. I actually asked you to be part
of this for some ‘heavy firepower’, Sousuke.”, I explained.
“Unfortunately for you, none is required here, and the presence of
your massive arsenal will only aggravate matters.”
“Your first stop, Sousuke, is New York City.”, I told him. “If you’d
like, take Kaname out to a Broadway show for the tickets…”
Kaname sidled up to Sousuke as if to talk him into it.
“I don’t understand how that would work…”, was all Sousuke got out
before he got another shot with the paper fan.
(PAPER FAN COUNT: 3)
“SOU-SUKE!!!!! Are you that dense?”, Kaname howled.
“There is another way, Kaname. If he’s just not up to it, I have
another way you can do this…”, I told her as I went to get a paper and
pen.
I wrote down a number which almost approximated a Social Security
Number.
“I know of a place where there is a Broadway ticket -- and unused!!”,
I told her.
“Where is this?”, May asked me.
“The New York City Police Department Property Clerk.”, I answered.
“When I was arrested in 1998...”, I said, when Sousuke threw me to the
ground and put the gun to my back.
(PAPER FAN COUNT: 4)
“Seriously!!”, Kaname yelled.
“This man is a threat to you…”, Sousuke asserted.
(PAPER FAN COUNT: 5)
“Cut it out! It’s not going to help -- and if we’re going to actually
do this project, he’s part of it and is doing recon for us. So put
that gun away and let’s hear him out.”, Kaname demanded.
“The number I just gave Kaname…”, I restarted as I picked myself up
and dusted myself off, “is the Book and Case Number of my 1998-99
criminal case. Although the belongings might’ve been destroyed in
1999, there’s a chance they’re retaining it for further anticipated
criminal action.”
At that, he threw me to the ground. This time, Kaname was quick
enough not to let him get the gun out!
(PAPER FAN COUNT: 6)
“Enough, Sousuke…”, Kaname yelled.
“But this man is all but a terrorist under the present definitions…”,
Sousuke explained.
“STOP WHINING!!”, Kaname called out. That finally did the trick.
“Go to the NYPD Property Clerk and ask for the trial evidence
associated with this Book and Case Number. There should be an unused
Broadway show ticket, dated May 24, 1998, which should do the trick.
All you need is a picture. Claim you’re part of the press for a story
on celebrity security or something to that effect…”, I explained.
“And, while you’re there, guys… Go find an Internet café and take a
picture there. The Internet is one of the New Seven Wonders of the
World, as voted on by USA Today.”, I concluded.
“Good thinking! Where are you going?”, Kaname asked me.
“As you said, recon. I need to find out if May can actually go to
North Korea. I’ve actually got a side trip for her into China for
another of the Seven Wonders. I’ve probably got a trip to the Grand
Canyon myself, which was voted into the list as an extra. We have to
replace one of the seven on the list, since the African migration on
the Serengeti does not happen for another seven months.”, I answered.
“So I’ll go home and check up on things. You guys contact me when
you’re done. Should be a day or two before I hear from you two…”, I
said to Kaname and Sousuke.
--------------------
(Writer’s Note: You may now play the “Sousuke’s Up To Something”
music from Fumoffu. J )
“Why can’t we just do what Michael told us?”, Kaname said with
consternation.
“I don’t trust him. I don’t trust his motivations here.”, Sousuke
replied.
“We have to get a Broadway ticket, and since you’re too dense or too
stupid to want to take me out on a date, Michael’s idea is a solid
one!”, Kaname replied as she walked in to the office of the New York
Police Department Property Clerk.
“So just stay out here and shut up if you don’t want to get us both
shot!”, Kaname shot to Sousuke as she turned to speak with the Clerk.
After a significant amount of discussion -- and more than a little
laughter -- Kaname is actually led back to the bowels of the property
office.
-------------------
An hour later, we now had two things from the list finished…
“All done!! Man, Michael got in some serious trouble. They are
retaining it, under orders from the FBI for a future anticipated
incident.” Kaname explained. “The clerk actually took the picture of
me with the unused ticket.”
“How did you do it?”, Sousuke wondered.
“My family lives in New York. Before the accident, this was my
hometown. It helped that several of the people in the office could be
convinced I actually was from _this_ New York…”, Kaname smiled.
“So it’s not a problem then. So where’s this ‘Internet café’ Michael
was talking about?”, Sousuke asked.
--------------------
Meanwhile, back in California, May and I were just leaving the Chinese
Consulate in Los Angeles.
“I guess being a celebrity has it’s advantages.”, I said to her.
“Yeah. Between my appearance at the Super Bowl and my time on Kaleido
Stage, they basically were able to quickly contact the North Koreans.
Sadly, I probably am going to have to read some propaganda statements
to glorify the new regime… Yuck.”, May revulsed.
“Even Ric Flair had to do that. Trust me, he was happy to be on the
ground in Japan. So you leave immediately and are available again to
the outside world in 48 hours?”, I checked.
“Yessir!!”, May beamed with a hug.
“OK. It’s off to the Grand Canyon with me. That should be a
helicopter ride from Las Vegas, so a couple days in Vegas while you
guys get straightened around in Asia, as I’m probably going to have at
least one Wonder of the World for you to get for us in Tibet…”, I told
her.
“You can let me know in Tokyo! My tickets for home await!!”, May
yelled as she bounded off toward a waiting taxi. God help that
driver!
---------------------
Sousuke was completely out of his element (not that that was
unusual!!) in a Manhattan Internet café/gaming center.
“So Michael always came here when he saw that woman?”, Sousuke asked.
“The Property Clerk said that he did, several times. In fact, this
was a place they took evidence of his computer usage -- though it was
mostly the removal of several hundred insulting spam e-mails -- on the
day of his arrest.”, Kaname said.
“Why didn’t they just arrest him here?”, Sousuke wondered for intel
purposes.
“Probably because they’d fear they’d have to shoot him if he was up to
something…”, Kaname sighed, as they went to side-by-side computers.
“Perhaps gunpoint would’ve brought Michael to his senses… I want out
of this mission, and I want you out with me.”, Sousuke demanded.
“This is a threat to your safety…”
(PAPER FAN COUNT: 7)
“That’s ENOUGH, Sousuke!!”, Kaname glared. “And I’ll hit you again if
I have to. We’re going through with OUR mission (including Michael’s)
before we go home… Now sit down and check your e-mail or something
while I set up this camera…”
Kaname set up her camera on her cellphone where it could easily take
the picture of both of them using one of the Modern Wonders of the
World, The Internet, before SOPA would have to shut it down.
On command, they smiled, showed the victory symbol, and that picture
was taken. Six more Wonders to go.
---------------------
By this time, I was already in the air over the Grand Canyon. Las
Vegas routinely has helicopter tours over the Grand Canyon, so it was
not hard to find one.
I was just struck by the absolute grandeur of the place, and never
really got the idea as to why it wasn’t named directly to the list of
Modern Wonders. But with the Migration on the Serengeti seven months
away, we took the substitution where we could find it!
I am deathly afraid of helicopters, but time was of the essence, so I
took the opportunity (and May was paying out of her significant
savings, so who was I to complain??). It was almost as if Mother
Nature had framed it for me -- sun was setting, guide was having me
stand with the grandest of the canyon as my backdrop in a beautiful
reddish…
With another picture, another Modern Wonder of the World was in the
books. Basically, five more Wonders to go.
---------------------
After a long flight to Beijing and a security clearance, May Wong was
placed into formal Chinese mourners’ clothing and whisked over to one
of the most bizarre places on Earth: Pyongyang, North Korea.
The entire place just appeared… bleak. It just seemed as if there
was NOTHING there. Everything seemed black-and-white.
May Wong was ordered to say nothing -- from the time she was to land
in North Korea to the time she was to give a statement to the
assembled press for the event. She would then be immediately escorted
to a waiting plane for Tokyo. She was allowed one attendant to take
the picture for her, though the press would gladly provide for more,
as a statement of the joint victory of the glorious Communists in
China and North Korea.
May was given a wreath of flowers as she headed into the Kumsusan
Memorial Palace, where Kim Jong-Il was laid to rest.
May slowly walked, showing none of her trademark fire whatsoever, as
she was escorted to the final resting place of North Korea’s “Eternal
Leader”. Since Kim Jong-Il had only been named as such about a week
before, Wong’s appearance was actually a very positive coup for the
North Koreans, as it demonstrated the joint wills of China and North
Korean Communists against the oppression of South Korea, the United
States, and the remainder of the West.
Wong walked to the preserved body, knelt (as ordered), and placed the
wreath. She then stood, turned around, and gave the symbol of
victory.
She was then handed a piece of paper, and made the following statement
in English:
“We come in respect to the ‘Eternal Leader’, and the glory to which he
represents in the continuing struggle of our cause. Our moral
superiority to the oppressors of the West will lead us to victory over
them, with our ‘Eternal Leader’, for which he will be forever praised,
to lead us into an enlightened time. Thank you.”
--------------------------
“That was the dirtiest thing I ever had to do, Michael. And I never
want it repeated.”, were May’s first words on the phone the instant
she landed in Tokyo‘s airport and was released from Chinese-North
Korean custody.
“They literally provided me 100 pictures of me smiling and giving the
symbol of victory (if you can call being shot if I didn’t smile
‘victory‘), so I could give them to the Americans… God, I want to
vomit…”, May said.
“Michael… They aren’t even human over there. They’re machines.
Starving, begging machines -- subservient in all ways to their
leaders.”, May continued to my speechless listening.
“When this all blows up, Michael… Pray I am nowhere near Korea. My
God, what that will turn in to…”, May concluded.
To whatever expense to her sanity, we had the third item on the list.
“Are you OK, May? Do you need some time??”, I asked her.
After a sigh and a long wait, she said, “No. I just want to go
elsewhere. Where to next?”
“Would you like to go back to China?”, I asked her. “Or are you…”
“Absolutely. Where to?”, May perked up. Some of the fire was finally
coming back into her voice. A trip back to her home nation was just
what the acrobat ordered!
“The Potala Palace in the Tibet Autonomous Region. It was the palace
of the Dalai Lama for over 300 years. Part of it is a monestary which
dates back to the Seventh Century. You will need to be very expedient
in getting there, as there can be a wait to get in. There’s a strict
limit on the number of people who can visit there at any given day.”,
I noted.
“OK, I can get…”, May said before I cut her off.
“There is one other thing you need to be careful of…”, I said
ominously.
“And that is?”, May asked.
“It’s at 12,000 feet, May.”, I responded.
“On it!!”, May barked back, and hung up the phone.
I wonder if I pissed her off there.
-----------------------
Just after I got off the phone with May, Sousuke and Kaname called.
“What’s up, you two?”, I asked.
“Just finished in New York. Where to next?”, Kaname excitedly
wondered.
I checked over the list.
“Let’s see… Today is Monday, should be Tuesday by the time you get
there. The Pope holds a weekly auditorium audience every Wednesday,
and, if you’re lucky and/or connected enough, you can get a picture
with him there.”, I noted, as I was also scanning various forums on
the subject.
“How do we go about that?”, Sousuke butted in.
“You’ll need to go to the Church of Santa Sussanna right near the St.
Regis Hotel in Rome. Get your name on the list, and they’ll let as
many in as they can. But then you better be good, lucky, and hope you
can get an ear of somebody to get the picture: There are usually only
a couple thousand seats for an auditorium audience which can exceed
twenty thousand!!”
“You can also contact a special Bishops’ Office to the Vatican for
American visitors to get tickets as well. I’ll e-mail you the
address.
Kaname then had a question: “You talked about connections to get a
picture. Would our project be sufficient?”
“Doubtful, frankly, Kaname, but it’s worth a shot. Your guess is as
good as mine, but do try to get a picture with him. If all else
fails, you’ll have to hang in til Sunday and kludge one when Pope
Benedict XVI comes out on the balcony at about noon.”, I sadly said.
“I don’t think we have that long. Where’s May, and how much more have
we got to do?”, Kaname wondered in response.
“May just got the picture at Kim Jung-Il’s corpse, and is headed to a
Wonder of the World in her home nation of China. I just got done at
the Grand Canyon, and am heading to another Wonder of the World: a
marine nature preserve I’m not even going to try to pronounce in
Hawaii. From there, the Mayan Ruins for me, and let’s hope we can get
you two together with May in Jerusalem. From there, hopefully a polar
flight home to pick up the polar ice caps.”, I stated.
“Got it!! We’re on our way.”, Sousuke said with a military firmness.
“Next stop: The Vatican!”, Kaname noted as she hung up.
-------------------------
MY next stop was another of the newest Wonders of the World: The
Paphanaumokuakea Marine National Monument in Hawaii, which I set off
for.
Fortunately, the nature of what I was there for allowed the people
there to be ready for me, as I was notified that I could do what I
needed to do there in the name of science, as long as I disrupted none
of the Monument, nor the research.
“It is a set of islands which represent where life is born, and re-
born after death.”, a guide explained to me shortly after my arrival.
It is a Marine Protected Area, consisting of a large geographic area,
with ten islands thereon.”
“Habitats from ancient times are here, largely untouched and left for
research, as well as remains from many centuries ago which indicate
that there were original people here long before the Europeans began
to colonize the area.”
This area simply was beautiful and pristine. “We had just found some
new coral species a little more than a year ago in a diving expedition
to the site. We’re still carefully harvesting so we can show them to
visitors who come to the Monument.”, the guide continued.
When asked for any questions, I just stood there, dumbfounded at the
natural beauty of the place. I finally asked for permission to take
pictures of the place (as well as myself in a couple of them, just
marveling at the natural beauty), and literally filled the camera full
of images to upload to my computer.
---------------------
As I was heading to the Mayan Ruins themselves, May Wong was being
sent on a helicopter to the heights of Tibet.
At about 12,000 feet in the city of Lhasa in the Tibet Autonomous
Region of China, the Potala Palace just seemed to open up in the air
to May and the people around her as they were being flown in.
It was a cloudy, cold day in Tibet. May was bundled up, and just
awestruck as to the abject beauty of the former residence of the Dalai
Lama.
She literally was walking around, almost with her jaw on the ground as
she was looking at the architecture and art all over the place.
May was just speechless and proud of her home country, and prayed for
peace in China before she asked some people to take pictures of her
there before she whisked herself off to Jerusalem.
----------------------
Sousuke and Kaname were having time and a half, though, trying to get
through to the office of American visitors to the Vatican.
“We need a picture with the Pope…”, Kaname explained.
“It’s important to our mission…”, Sousuke tried to help.
He failed. “You have to understand, even getting yourself in to the
audience is a rare occasion this late in the process, and you are very
fortunate to even get in.”, the bishop said.
“Is there any way that we can…”, Sousuke asked.
Kaname cut him off. “Probably blind luck. The bishop did say that
Pope Benedict sometimes is driven through the crowd. Perhaps we can
get fortunate there. The audience is about to start. Let’s go in.”
So they went in. Thousands upon thousands of international pilgrims
filled the chamber. Most had to stand, as Sousuke and Kaname did,
while the Pope held his audience with the assembled seated in front.
The faithful prayed for the health of Pope Benedict XVI, and he
finally went into the Popemobile to bless the crowd more personally.
The audience began to crowd the barriers.
“Sousuke! Take position right near the barrier and I’m going to try
to get the one shot with the Pope as he comes past.”, Kaname yelled.
“Roger that!”, Sousuke responded.
“And don’t you dare do anything stupid!!”, Kaname ordered.
The Pope, luckily, was coming up the aisle in which Sousuke and Kaname
were near, and Kaname, with lots of practice taking pictures on her
cellphone with deadly precision, snapped a picture just as Pope
Benedict XVI came into the shot of the Pope with Sousuke.
Just then, the Popemobile stopped. It was as if the Pope had ordered
it to do so. He looked at Sousuke and Kaname, did the Sign of the
Cross, and it even appeared as if he had smiled as he bowed his head.
It was as if he had blessed the pair. So they, as requested by me,
headed off to Jerusalem.
--------------------
While all this was going on, I had somehow sauntered my way into
Mexico, for the ruins which largely led to our little adventure.
December, 2012 was to mark the end of the Mayan calendar. And the
Mayan Ruins of the Yucatan Peninsula of Mexico were a focal point of
this year, as people from all over the world came to the ruins to take
a gander at the ancient civilization of the Mayans.
I, to no one’s surprise, was absolutely floored by the advanced nature
of the ruins, at least for the time of the creation of the buildings
with respect to their retention of the natural beauty of the Yucatan
Peninsula. Platforms and pyramids and even ruins of courts of a game
which was a predecessor to basketball (where the losers were beheaded,
and their heads made the balls for the next game!).
Much like the experiences I was told by May at Potola Palace, I was
just in shock at how the Mayans actually did what they were able to
do.
Pictures were taken (almost forgot to get a volunteer to get my big
face in one of them), and that left us with just two more wonders to
complete the set -- and Kaname, Sousuke, and May were going to meet up
to get those, then jet back to California for our final two tasks
before the shuttle launch.
------------------
Needless to say, if Pope Benedict XVI proved a bit crowded, the next
task for the group proved even more so.
They tried to find a good site to get of the Old City of Jerusalem,
and the three chose the Western Wall.
The Western, or Wailing Wall, in Jerusalem is one of the holiest sites
in Judaism. It is basically one of the seats from which God’s Power
itself rests and blesses Jews all throughout the world. As a result,
Kaname was, upon clearing the metal detectors at the western entrance
to the plaza adjacent to the wall, given a covering to cover her legs
-- as women were ordered to wear appropriate, modest clothing.
“But some of the guests appear to be working on their tans here…”,
Sousuke said. “So why do you have to cover up?”
“Because, like our little situation with Pope Benedict, it’s respect
for the holy nature of the place and the task we are meant to do.
Just because others disrespect the situation does not mean we have to,
or are allowed to…”, Kaname noted in return. “So no stupid stuff…”
May was getting fitted for the cover for her legs, as the attendants
felt her shorts far too showy for the respect of the wall.
“Yeah, Sousuke. You also need to put on one of those yamakahs over
there.”, May noted as she joined the pair.
“Why do I have to do that?”, Sousuke stupidly wondered.
Kaname would’ve added to the Paper Fan Count, except violence at the
Wailing Wall would be rather stupid.
“Because, if you don’t, you can’t take part with us, nor get near the
wall. I’ll be more than happy to help the attendants escort your
stupidity out of here if necessary. So get the paper yamakah, put it
on, and STOP WHINING!!!”, Kaname howled.
She was quickly quieted, due to the reverent nature of the Wall.
“Sousuke, you’re also going to have to separate from us. Men go pray
over there. We need to go pray in our own section for women.”, Kaname
noted.
“And, here, Sousuke…”, May added, as she handed Sousuke a small piece
of paper and a writing tool. “Write your prayer on the paper and
place it into the cracks in the wall. See all that paper over there?
That’s a tradition of the Wailing Wall. We’re going to do the same in
our section, and Kaname will do the pictures.”
“Sousuke, again… NOTHING STUPID…”, Kaname demanded.
At that, they went to pray. After a silent moment, they all wrote
prayers and placed them into the wall. Kaname then took a number of
pictures with May, before she got a couple pictures with Sousuke at a
distance, and only the polar ice caps (which they would get pictures
of on their return flight to America, as long as they found the right
route to do so) remained.
Sousuke’s prayer: “For the defeat of our enemies and for success in
our mission.”
Kaname’s prayer: “That that bakka soldier of mine would understand
I’m only trying to help him.”
May’s prayer consisted of one word: “Peace.”
------------------
Two days (and several exasperated phone calls later -- and with the
plane going over the polar ice caps, Kaname somehow getting several
good pictures of the ice caps, and she even put May near the window of
the plane to get one of them) later, we all were reunited.
“Guys!!! Great to see all of you!”, I said.
At that, May dropped everything she was carrying.
She ran to me, crying, and hugged me.
“What I did in Korea made me feel dirty, Michael. I just want you to
know that. I don’t ever want to go back to North Korea.”, she said.
The others nodded, and kept their distance.
Just then, May gasped and grabbed me again…
“By the way, Michael… Happy birthday…”, she said, to a smile from me.
-------------------
“OK, Internet picture, check. Grand Canyon, Hawaiian nature preserve,
and Mayan ruins from me, check. Wailing wall in Jerusalem, check.
Potala Palace, check. And you just got the polar ice caps. Nice
catch, Kaname!!!”, I noted as we completed the Seven Wonders part of
the list.
“Thank you, Michael! I knew we could do it!!”, Kaname said with her
trademark confidence.
“So what else is left?”, Sousuke wondered.
“Well, we also got the New York Times picture, the Broadway ticket
picture, the picture from Korea, and the picture of the Pope.”, May
ticked off.
“So that means we have to go to the ‘Vomit Comet’ yet…”, I noted.
“Leave that to me and Sousuke, Michael. I think I know a way we can
get him in.”, Kaname said, as she took Sousuke and began to head there
with great insistence.
“So that leaves us with President Obama to get a picture with.”, May
told me.
Now I was sick to my stomach. Me, with the Teleprompter President??
--------------------
Sousuke and Kaname quickly made their way to the Johnson Space Center,
where Sousuke somehow used his Mithril credentials to get an audience
with the McDonnell Douglas C-9B Skytrain II now known as the “Vomit
Comet”.
“Are you certain they’re actually going to let us in that thing,
Sousuke?”, Kaname asked with wonder.
“The man I talked to laughed at me. He has no clue what he is about
to deal with. I can handle this.”, Sousuke said with confidence.
“He did say that about 2/3 of the people who get into the ‘Comet’
puke, though…”, Kaname warned.
“It’s not a problem.”, Sousuke said as he met with the people.
---------------------
Sure, it wasn’t a problem for Sousuke, but Kaname was having trouble
holding her stomach for the steep bank of the flight up.
“The plane must ascend at an angle of 45 degrees to create the
weightlessness effect desired, maggots…”, the hardened pilot told his
two passengers.
At that, they began to rise off the ground. Sousuke had this
nonplussed look on his face as Kaname began to snap pictures.
After about four pictures, Kaname was “killed”, at least in the
parlance of the “Vomit Comet”. She vomited, and basically lost about
four meals by the time it was all over.
Sousuke didn’t even lose a snack.
“So what was that all about?”, Sousuke asked once he got back on the
ground.
(PAPER FAN COUNT: 8 -- more like about 7.00001)
“I don’t even have the strength right now to do that, you jerk!”,
Kaname wheezed.
“I don’t understand what the problem was. We really need to get you
stronger…”, Sousuke said.
Just then, the pilot took Kaname’s paper fan and put one finger to his
mouth.
“I think you meant to do this to him!”, said the pilot.
(PAPER FAN COUNT: 9 -- and that made up for Kaname’s tired effort)
“Thank you. Now can I get some lunch and some fluids?”, Kaname
tiredly asked.
-------------------
Meanwhile, May was in Aurora, Colorado. Barack Obama was giving a
speech at Buckley Air Force Base, and May was actually able to gain
access (her performance in a prior Super Bowl and basically playing to
the Sports Fan-in-Chief’s weakness for the NFL did wonders).
Where was I? Surrounded by about five Secret Service officers about
20 miles away. They wouldn’t let me get any closer to the President,
but assured me that White House press photographers would get us the
pictures we needed, especially because President Obama was in full
support of the Lunar Time Capsule program.
After what seemed like two hours and an interminable number of
questions (and more than one implied gun!), May burst through the door
with a big grin, and about 40 pictures.
I was then quickly thrown into a car -- yes, _thrown_ -- and promptly
ordered to Denver and to the shuttle. Anywhere FAR away from this
President.
---------------------
We finally met up with everyone at the Kennedy Space Center. We were
the last group to complete our list and show up, and the countdown was
now under 12 hours to the launch of the lunar shuttle which would bury
the time capsule in the surface of the Moon.
“So, let’s go over the list you were given -- as we don’t have much
time before we have to close the capsule and seal the shuttle.”, the
collector of the photos said.
“Current copy of the New York Times… Check. (About ten of them.
Just toss ‘em all in…)”
“Picture declaring victory over Kim Jung Il… I still can’t believe
you actually got this woman into North Korea to do it, but… Check.”
A knot turned in May Wong’s stomach as the collector continued down
her list.
“Picture with the Pope… Check… Good call, you two… That’s how a lot
of people get their ‘Picture with the Pope’ these days, as direct
access to the Pope has been lessened over time.”
“Ticket to a Broadway show… Check, and unused, no less!!”
“’Vomit Comet’… Check. This gentleman could be useful for our Army.
He’s so cool, calm, and collected in zero-G.”
Now, the knot was in Kaname’s stomach with two more sets of items to
tick off.
“Picture with Obama… Check.”
“So that leaves the Seven Wonders. What did you select, Mr.
Falkner?”, the collector asked me.
“I selected the USA Today’s ‘New Seven Wonders’ list, according to
Wikipedia. However, one of the list was actually time-sensitive, the
African migration on the Serengeti.”, I responded.
“Fortunately, an eighth ‘Wonder’ was placed on the list through a fan
vote. Being a very Amero-centric vote, to no one’s surprise, it was
the Grand Canyon.”, I told her as I began handing her pictures from
that.
“Where’s the list?”, the collector asked.
“It’s on Wikipedia!”, Kaname beamed.
So, Wikipedia was accessed (fortunately, the SOPA protest blackout was
before the challenge began!!), and the list ticked off:
“Potala Palace… Impressive find, team!”, the collector said.
“Wailing Wall for Old Jerusalem. Got that one too.”
“Polar Ice Caps… How you pulled that one off in a plane, I’ll never
understand, but they are here!”
“That national monument in Hawaii… I can see by your face, Mr.
Falkner, that you really enjoyed that adventure.”
“The couple over here at an Internet café… Actually, given the user-
driven nature of the Internet, that’s a very appropriate setting for a
picture of the Internet. Nice call, you two!!”
“The Mayan ruins… and you skipped the Serengeti and got the Grand
Canyon instead. They’re all here!!”
“Nice job, team. Your task is completed. If you’d like, we have a
private observation deck about a mile or so from the launch, if you’d
like to see it…”, the collector concluded, as the pictures were
quickly being taken from us to be put into the capsule for proper
sealing.
--------------------
Kaname pulled me aside almost immediately.
“Michael, we HAVE to go…”, Kaname said in hushed tones. “I don’t know
if we can wait the four hours for the launch.”
“Are you sure you can’t make it? Make up an excuse… Something!!”, I
pleaded.
May agreed. “I know you guys have your commitments, but you can take
pride in all the work we’ve done to get this all together.”
Sousuke took a long look at his watch…
Just then, the countdown clock stopped…
“Oh great… We’re pushing it for time as it is, and something has
stopped the countdown clock!”, Kaname noted.
“We’ve been forced to abandon the launch for today… Estimated repair
time is unknown, so we do not know when, or even IF, we are going to
be able to launch the shuttle.”, a voice said to the assembled
observers.
Just then, Kaname tapped my shoulder.
“Goodbye, Michael. May, prepare to go back. Sousuke, cover me, but
do not show a gun unless necessary or Michael is dead!”, Kaname said
as she prepared to vault the tower to the ground.
“What the Hell are you doing?”, I began to raise my voice.
“It’s classified. When I wave my fan after I’m done, hit that button
immediately. Any gunshots, hit the button!!”, Kaname yelled back,
blowing me a kiss.
All I could think of was: Shit… Even if I can get them out, I’m
dead…
Basically, she ran for a beeline for the shuttle. Not exactly sure
how she got there without complete discovery, but Kaname was able to
get to the shuttle.
What happened next, none of us could explain, but the security was
beginning to close on Kaname when it looked like the entire rocket
with the shuttle on it was “glowing” black.
“What in the Hell is she DOING?”, we could hear over the mass of
chatter on the (mistakenly) open mic.
It almost looked like she was in a trance…
“This is why we have our mission, Michael.”, Sousuke told me flatly.
He was prepared to shoot at an instant’s notice.
“I know. She’s hearing the whispers.”, I said as I watched closely
for my signal.
May was just standing there, agape, prepared to go back.
“She’s getting the information from the whispers to fix the rocket…”,
I said, just as Kaname left the shuttle, started running 100 yards,
and waved her fan furiously.
“Take care, and you are out of here!!”, I said, hitting the button.
The flash of light meant the security could not find Kaname, and then,
the voices became even more startled…
“Do we restart the countdown? Something has happened which has made
the shuttle actually work! This thing is now efficient beyond all
known parameters!!”, the main technician said.
“Sir…”, the security-person noted. “There was a Caucasian female
right near the base of the shuttle when this all went crazy, but a
flash of light, and she is gone.”
“Locate her. We need to apprehend her. Meanwhile, restart the
countdown.”, was the reply from Mission Control.
By this point, I was heading to the nearest bus stop. I would see the
successful launch as the local busses pulled away.
No one was the wiser.