Starcade
2012-01-03 04:40:24 UTC
2012 New Year’s Challenge: Medium Challenge
Mia Guillem, Anna Heart, and Leon Oswald from “Kaleido Star”, plus me.
---------
I knew that New Year’s had gone more than a bit too easily.
Several hours after New Year’s had started, I was awoken, not by my
friends, but by my Zapitron 3000 beeping wildly.
I knew that was usually trouble, so I quickly connected and booted up
my laptop to find the Challenge and found…
Nothing.
Not a damned thing on the Internet which indicated any sort of a
reason for an immediate call of my characters, which is what I assumed
the machine was attempting to get me to do.
That was all fine and good, except now I realized that I was probably
going to be the one to do the traveling, either to directly aid one of
the characters in their world, or to head someplace else.
“Please, for the love of God, not Segonax again…”, I moped as I
entered my three characters into the machine and hit for them to come.
What I didn’t expect next was a giant wormhole to immediately open up
and suck me in!
--------
As I walked through the interdimensional portal of the wormhole, I
popped out the other side to a soundstage -- or, more correctly,
backstage of said soundstage.
And, sure enough, there were my teammates, Mia, Anna, and Leon. They
were all pacing around, looking rather puzzled.
“There he is.”, Leon said as he was the first to see me as I had
stepped through.
Mia and Anna ran over to hug me, as it was good to see them.
“So, how are you doing this first day of 2012?”, Mia asked me.
“About as confused as the rest of you, I would have to say…”, was my
response. “I know not where we are, nor what we are supposed to do.”
“The machine went kaflooie again?”, Anna queried.
“Sounds like it.”, Leon quipped. “No matter. We’re here. So is the
Challenge, I would have to presume, and…”
Just then, I was shocked to see a familiar face walking towards us.
“Ah, our first show’s contestants are here!”, Joe Rogan said.
“Joe Rogan!! I’m surprised you’re here! I figured you’d be in Las
Vegas, handling the post mortems on Brock Lesnar’s mixed-martial-arts
career after UFC 141!”, I remarked.
“The wonders of interdimensional travel, friend.”, Mr. Rogan replied
as he shook my hand. “I, too, have the capability of interdimensional
travel into and through anime worlds, Michael.”
“So you know who this man is, then?”, Leon asked suspiciously.
“Yes, and I know you too, Mr. Oswald, Ms. Heart, and Ms. Guillem.”, he
said as he shook hands with all three of them.
“Nice to meet you. I’m not familiar with MMA, but I do remember your
work on ‘Fear Factor‘.”, Mia noted.
“And that’s why you are here, speaking of…”, Rogan said, as if a light
bulb went on in his head.
“I don’t understand.”, Anna sweat dropped.
“Well, with the return of ‘Fear Factor’ in your realm, the
interdimensional sponsors of previous versions of the show in other
realms contacted me and asked if I would resurrect ‘Anime Fear Factor’
as well!”, Rogan said.
Just then, my stomach began to turn. I knew what this probably meant!
“Anyhow, it’s about three minutes before our first show. Just
remember: To return to your realms, you must complete all four
stunts.”, Rogan advised us as he was taken for a quick final makeup
and microphone check.
---------
At this, I groaned. All I could think about was how much I was going
to vomit when I probably literally had to eat shit (with the hopes of
many that I actually WOULD die as a result).
We were quickly outfitted with our ‘Fear Factor’ safety outfits, and
taken to our ready position just off stage. We were told to remain
quiet, as the show as about to begin the instant we were ready.
---------
“These anime characters are going to attempt stunts in a controlled
environment. These stunts have been designed with safety protocols in
mind, and should not be attempted by any amateurs any time, any place,
or any where.”, Rogan’s voice said in a pre-taped disclaimer.
“Welcome to the return of ‘Anime Fear Factor’…”, Rogan’s voice said as
the lights went up and an audience cheered as Joe Rogan came out onto
the stage.
“Hello, I’m Joe Rogan, and we have a brand new season of anime
challenges and contestants on ‘Anime Fear Factor’. Let’s meet our
team of four for the first show of the season!”, Rogan said as he
gestured his hand in our direction.
An announcer introduced us. (Normally, on the show, the contestants
would introduce themselves. We didn’t have time for that luxury.)
“First, from Holland, an acrobat and show writer whose hobbies include
the trapeze and computers. Now residing in Cape Mary, California,
here’s Mia Guillem!”, he said as Mia ran out and waved to the audience
enthusiastically.
“Second, from France, an internationally-renowned trapeze superstar
whose work has aided in the creation of ‘The Era of Light’ on Kaleido
Stage. Also currently residing in Cape Mary, California, this is Leon
Oswald.”, the announcer continued as Leon walked out and just stood
next to Mia.
“Third, from and currently residing in California, this performer
loves comedy and making people laugh. Ladies and gentlemen, Anna
Heart!”, the announcer continued as Anna joined the pair and waved to
the crowd with a mischievous smile.
“And finally, from Wisconsin, the team captain… His hobbies include
video games, the Internet, and arriving, raising Hell, and leaving.
Ladies and gentlemen, now residing in California’s Inland Empire,
Michael Falkner!”, the announcer concluded as the crowd turned a bit
on me.
“Who made you the team captain?”, Leon grumbled.
“The show did, I guess… Not sure why that’s going to matter.”, I
replied quickly as Rogan came to us.
“This is a team which was constructed by our captain and brought from
their realms to here to compete for a massive charity donation which
will go to the continuing Japanese earthquake relief efforts.
However, should they fail any task, they are stuck here…”, Rogan said.
“Forever?”, Anna wondered with a worried voice.
“Probably.”, I whispered. “Let’s just see to it that we are not going
to let that happen.”
“There will be four challenges. And, Mr. Falkner, you may not
participate in any of the first three. You must assign one member of
your team to complete each task. Am I understood?”, Rogan asked me.
“Understood completely, Mr. Rogan.”, I said back.
“OK, so who’s ready for a little ‘Fear Factor Cuisine’ from your
group?”, he asked me.
I called a quick conference.
“Be careful. You guys might not have a stomach left when they’re done
with you.”, I warned.
“I’ll do it!”, Mia said. “I can handle May’s cooking, so what’s there
to be worried about?”
“Famous last words, Mia, but it’s all yours.”, I said as I broke our
little confab. “OK, Joe. I choose Mia Guillem for a little ‘Anime
Fear Factor Cuisine’.”
“All right. The rest of you, go sit over there, and I will take Mia
and have her eat for all of us.”, Joe Rogan said as he took Mia to the
table.
On the table was enough plates for a seven-course meal.
“Your task, Miss Guillem, is to complete a seven-course meal provided
by our Specialty Cook of the Night.”, Rogan told Mia. “And would you
like to know who that is?”
Mia nodded.
“OK, let’s meet our Specialty Cook of the Night!!”, Rogan said as he
called to the other wing of the main stage, and out came a rather
young girl.
“This is Akane Tendo, from the world of “Ranma ½.”, Rogan said to the
applause of the audience. “And she has prepared seven specialties for
you to eat in a classic seven-course meal. Succeed in doing so, and
you complete your event. Got it, Mia?”, Rogan said.
“Mmmm-hmmm. And I’m hungry too…”, she responded.
My stomach turned. This was my least favorite part of the old “Fear
Factor”. I have a staunch constitution, but too many maggots and all
that put me on the edge of puking myself.
“OK, Akane… What do we have for course number one?”, Rogan asked of
the girl.
Akane walked over to the first platter and removed the cover on it.
“Curry! Sora’s had me try this from time to time!!”, Mia said as she
dug right in.
I raised my eyebrow to the rest of the team. I didn’t think they’d
lob us such an apparent soft ball, and was waiting to see the punch
line to this.
Anna quickly finished off the small bit of curry provided, and, as she
was quietly instructed to do, opened her mouth and stuck out her
tongue to indicate she was finished with course number one.
“I hope you enjoyed my cinnamon, garlic powder, and hot sauce curry,
Mia!”, Akane smiled.
That basically made me retch and it looked like Mia wobbled a little
bit at that situation. But her stomach held.
“You’ve done well, Ms. Guillem. But that’s only the first course.”,
Rogan advised. “What next, Chef Akane?”
Akane smiled and exposed the Soup du Jour: Vegetable Soup…
That is, if you can call the misshapen and badly cooked vegetables in
under-cooked broth “soup”…
My stomach did a flip at this, and Mia wasn’t exactly crazy at it.
But, as she noticed that there appeared to be a carrot and a broccoli
and a kumquat (a KUMQUAT??) in the soup, she dug in.
This went a bit slower, as she felt she had to strongly season the
soup to make it edible.
“Oh my God…”, Anna said to me. “That girl threw a banana in vegetable
soup?”
“And two week-old celery stalks. God, they look as brown as the
soup!”, I noted.
Mia carefully took her time, but got it down.
I threw up completely at the first main course: Goat milk with goat
cheese -- which appeared to come straight from the goat, as it
appeared to be homemade. It also appeared as if something was still
moving in the filet which was “prepared” for Mia.
She gulped a bit at it, thinking she saw the same thing. However, one
thing got her to eating it:
“Remember the disclaimer, Mia. This is done under a very controlled
environment. Though Akane’s choices for food are from the Anything
Goes Martial-Arts School of Cooking, our intention is NOT to poison
you.”
With that, Mia dutifully downed it, the “salad” (which appeared to be
made of everything from grass blades to day-old bread instead of the
crutons, with a healthy dressing which appeared to be a mix of every
conceivable non-pleasing flavor under the sun), and a pasta dish which
was basically cooked for only about 1/3 of the time (and, hence, had
no consistency whatsoever) and covered with au jus onion dip, a cheese
sauce which smelled from our position to be a mix of limburger, bleu
cheese, and God knows what else…
When Mia exposed her empty mouth, the next dish…
We didn’t even know WHAT this was supposed to be. It looked like
Akane had essentially emptied the kitchen sink on this second-to-last
dish with everything she grabbed for the main courses but didn’t use
on the others. It appeared as if included some more kumquats, some of
the cuts of meat which didn’t make the cut on the goat, and good Lord
knows what else…
Akane smiled as it appeared that Mia was grimacing her way through the
last main dish, but she closed it off.
“And now, our Akane Dessert Surprise!”, Rogan said with a flourish as
Rogan unveiled…
An apparently perfect-looking ice cream sundae with sprinkles and
chocolate sauce.
With that, Mia dug right in, as she seemed to still have room for the
dessert, and her taste buds apparently completely numbed by this
point, she finished the sundae to roaring applause from the audience
-- and from us!
“Mia has won the first challenge for Team Kaleido Star!!”, Rogan
announced as Mia exposed her empty mouth for the win.
Akane hugged and thanked Mia for completing the dish.
Just then, Joe Rogan asked Akane: “So, what did you put in the sundae
that made it so delicious?”
“Well, let’s see…”, Akane started. “The goat milk that wasn’t used
for the goat cheese was left out and made into ice cream with some old
margarine I found…”
That started Mia’s face pursing…
Akane continued: “… the sauce was the left-over au jus from the pasta
dish made into cream…”
That just about did it…
Akane concluded with a smile… “And the sprinkles were my specialty.
Sugar-free with my very own sugar substitute. Sodium Chloride!!”
Sotto voce, my last words before I saw someone run by us like a shot:
“Oh crap. Table salt!!”
With that, Mia ran for the nearest bathroom. She would be in no need
of a stomach pump after that.
Joe Rogan was now the one to sweat-drop. “We’ll check on Mia. The
rules only required that she eat the food, and she did! So we’ll find
out who gets the next challenge, after these commercials!”
-------------
The three of us ran after Mia, and all we could hear from the bathroom
was a complete retch-job. Every one of those seven courses was going
to come back while we were waiting for the commercial to end.
We were quickly ushered back to the stage by some backstage
attendants.
Joe Rogan quickly said to me before the red light came on, “She’ll be
fine. The doctors will make sure she is OK and properly hydrated and
gets some real food before your final challenge, should you make it
that far. We really thought you guys were goners out there. She did
about four courses better than any of us thought was inhumanly
possible!”
With that, we were back on the air.
---------------
Joe Rogan smiled and said to the cameras and audiences, “I was just
letting our team captain know that Mia Guillem would be all right and
attended to for going through that first challenge. We are not
interested in any actual physical harm here, and we stress, for the
third time tonight: These stunts are done under controlled
environments, and not to be attempted by amateurs any time, any place,
or any where…”
“Welcome back to the second challenge of ‘Anime Fear Factor’.”
“We’re back with Team Kaleido Star, minus our first successful
challenger. Michael, who’s up to take a little nap?”, Joe Rogan asked
me.
I looked around. I knew there was a catch.
“I’ll do it…”, Anna said. “I know you got something in mind, but I
think I can handle anything you throw at me.
“OK, Anna… Come with me to the ‘Fear Factor Hotel’!”, Rogan said as
he took Anna’s hand and led her over to a specially constructed bed,
surrounded with plexiglass.
“Lay down right inside the bed, Anna.”, Rogan said.
“Very comfortable! You spared no expense on us.”, Anna said with a
smile.
“All you have to do, Anna Heart, is stay in that bed for fifteen
minutes.”, Rogan said to her. “START THE CLOCK AND BRING IN HER
ROOMMATES!!”
With that, the attendants came in and brought literally hundreds of
garden snakes. The attendants dumped the snakes on Anna, but made
sure, at all times, to keep her face exposed -- not only for the
benefit of the audience to watch her squirm in disgust, but that they
would not cover her face and stop her breathing at any time in the
stunt.
“Remember, Anna: Those snakes ARE NOT POISONOUS!! This is a
controlled environment, just as he told the audience!!”, I reminded
her continuously.
“This is GROSS!! They’re sliming all over me, Michael!!”, Anna
screamed.
“Just breathe, Anna… Just… breathe…”, Leon said to her. “The snake
oil might do well for that skin too…”
Anna then calmly began to inhale and exhale. She certainly appeared
mentally strained by the thought of literally hundreds of snakes all
over her body (including a couple which occasionally came very close
to some strategic spots!), but, once she got used to it, she relaxed…
Fifteen minutes, then, went by, the time buzzer went off, and Anna had
won her stunt.
Anna was then out of the bed like a shot, while the attendants made
sure she damaged none of the snakes upon her very hasty exit.
She was handed towels for all the oil and slime and the like, and the
next commercial was called for.
------------
At that point, I ran backstage again, and saw Mia. She was getting
intravenous fluids and actual food.
“God, I can’t believe I ate all that. I guess having the ‘May Wong
Special’ every once in a while prepared me for it.”, Mia said to me.
“More like numbed your taste buds.”, I quipped.
“They had to convince me that this was my favorite food while I was
getting my IV put in.”, Mia said with a sigh.
Just then, Anna quickly joined us, toweling off snake oil.
“I have to get another outfit for the next segment. They’re doing a
retrospective of the first two stunts, so they won’t need us for a few
minutes.”, Anna said as they ran her off for a new wardrobe.
“What’d they make her do?”, Mia asked me.
“Lay down for fifteen minutes in a bed of snakes.”, I said, to her
revulsion.
The doctors made sure all food stayed down and asked me to be careful
in talking to her.
“I’m fine. Just a visceral reaction.”, Mia said.
Just then, I was beckoned onstage just as the red light came back on
for part three.
---------------
“Welcome to the third challenge of ‘Anime Fear Factor’.”, Rogan, as a
voice-over, said.
“We’re back, and we’re in the graveyard with the remaining Kaleido
Star, Leon Oswald. And I’m sure you would like to know what your
challenge is…”, Rogan said to Oswald.
“Yes, I would.”, Leon said.
“Well, we seem to recall that you were in a production of ‘Dracula’ on
Kaleido Stage, and, perhaps, this challenge should, then, be right up
your alley.”, Rogan said.
“Lay down in this coffin.”, he continued. Oswald complied.
“So what’s going to be in this coffin with me?”, Leon asked.
“Nothing. But you will be buried alive for fifteen minutes inside
it!”, Rogan said to the crowd’s gasps.
I ran to the coffin.
“Leon, remember… Controlled environment. There’s no way they would
make you do this without sufficient air…”, I reminded Leon.
“What do you think I was doing before every performance of Dracula on
Kaleido Stage, Michael?”, Leon shot back. “I have this completely.
Let me relax now. This almost reminds me of the initial set for the
production. I even did some of these entrances with the ice skates
on!”
“I’m ready, Mr. Rogan.”, he told Joe Rogan as Rogan led me aside.
At that point, the casket was lowered, with him inside, into position.
Then, a massive amount of dirt was quickly dumped onto the grave, and
the clock started.
“We wish to stress again, for the fourth time tonight, this stunt is
done under controlled conditions, as Mr. Falkner noted. DO NOT TRY
THIS AT HOME.”, Joe Rogan sternly reminded the audience.
A small camera was snaked near the top of the casket, in which we
could see Leon’s face. Doctors and technicians were keeping an eye on
the entire situation, for any sign of trouble.
What startled me is that, even though Leon Oswald was under tons of
dirt, he was calmly breathing. He truly HAD done this before. Many
times!
The time buzzer went off, as it if it was five minutes, and not the
fifteen it actually was, and Leon had gotten us to the final stunt.
As the technicians worked feverishly to get all that dirt off the
casket, Joe Rogan shook my hand and congratulated the team.
“That was incredible! How did he do it?”, Joe Rogan asked me.
“One of his first famous performances at Kaleido Stage was a
production of ‘Dracula’. From the look he gave me and what he told
me, your stunt was basically the same as how they had set up his
initial entrance in the production!”, I answered.
“Be that the case, your entire team will be needed for the final
challenge, which will come up after these messages and a look at some
of the new stunts we have planned for ‘Anime Fear Factor’.”, Rogan
said as the red light on the camera went out.
-----------------
I helped Leon out of the casket.
“That was freaking amazing!”, I said as I hugged him.
He brushed off the hug brusquely. “I told you, I had it completely
under control. But thank you… We do appreciate your support.”, he
said as we went backstage.
At that point, we saw Mia prepared (or so she thought) for the final
stunt.
“You OK, Mia?”, I asked.
“Fine, now. The color’s returned to my face, and they say I look good
enough to compete in the final challenge.”, she told me with a wink.
“Good to hear… Good to hear…”, I said back. “Now, where’s Anna? We
need all four of us for this challenge…”
I went to the room they took Anna to… I knocked on the door…
“Is that my wardrobe, FINALLY?”, Anna shot out.
“No, it’s not. It’s me. We’ve got one more challenge left, and we
need you out here…”, I said to the door, with her inside the room.
“When they get me my suit, I’m ready to go. But will you tell them to
hurry up?”, Anna said, in about as annoyed of a voice as I’d ever
heard her.
Just then, we were taken back to the stage.
----------------
The lights had just come on as we walked back out.
“We’ll give you a look at a few of our new stunts for this season in
the next segment, as it will take some time to get our team ready for
their final challenge…”, Joe Rogan said to the camera as we were
ushered next to him.
I was concerned about that only the three of us were out there, but we
were there.
“This is three-fourths of Team Kaleido Star, as we are still trying to
get Anna Heart prepared for the final challenge…”, Joe Rogan said.
“This challenge will involve all four of you, and it will seem very
easy, but there is one twist.”, Rogan told me.
“To win the charity donation and to return to your realms, you only
need to sing one song of karaoke for us. Any song you like…”, he
continued.
Mia squealed. I smiled. Leon was non-plussed. He hated to sing, but
figured he’d put up with it.
Just then, I stopped. I thought of something. I thought of why we
still hadn’t seen Anna…
“But there’s a catch, right?”, I asked Rogan.
“Why, yes, there is, Michael.”, he answered me in return. “We all saw
you go back to check on Anna Heart and what you (and she) thought was
going to be a change into a new wardrobe…”
It hit me -- right there and then…
“OH… NO….”, was my only response.
“Yep, Michael’s got it. Anna’s already in her ‘wardrobe’ for the
final challenge…”, Joe Rogan announced.
Mia’s jaw dropped. Leon was shaking his head.
“To win the challenge, you must perform one song -- COMPLETELY…
NUDE!!! We’ll give you some time to think it over, but, remember:
You must win this to be able to return.”, Joe Rogan said as we were
all led backstage.
----------------
“No way in Hell!”, Leon said.
“Even after being buried alive?”, Mia asked him.
“HOLY… They didn’t do that to us, did they?”, Anna screamed as she
came out with a bathrobe wrapped around her.
“’Fraid they did, Anna… We gotta go out there naked.”, I said with a
sigh.
“I’ll do it if it gets us home.”, Anna said.
“So will I.”, Mia said.
We all looked to Leon. He sighed, but he knew that his looks were
part of the reason why he was so popular and considered so dreamy by
the fans of Kaleido Stage, so he said yes.
His temporary roles in productions similar to Cirque du Soleil’s
“Zumanity” didn’t hurt any.
So, the three looked to me.
“I’d do it, but there IS one problem…”, I said. “I do sleep in the
buff quite a bit, so I’m not that uncomfortable naked, except for one
thing.”
“And that is?”, Leon said.
At that, knowing the show was still airing the segment for the new
stunts, I grabbed both Mia and Anna’s arms and asked to talk with them
privately.
-------------
“When this is over, and I am as serious as a heart attack on this, I’m
going to want to have sex with both of you.”, I confessed to Mia and
Anna.
“And you aren’t going to like seeing me naked. I don’t know how Layla
ever thinks she could put up with it.”, I continued, at which point
Mia put one finger on my mouth.
“Because she trusts you, and she wants some of that from you because
she’s never had it for herself. It’s all been about her money.”, Anna
said.
“Michael, trust us. But you need to keep your hands off of us during
the performance, and no jacking off either.”, Mia advised.
“They said that would get us disqualified if either of us did that
with respect to the ladies.”, Leon noted as he walked in to our
conversation.
“I have to confess, I’ve always fantasized about your bodies.”, I said
tersely.
“Thank you.”, Mia said as she hugged me. “But, hands off for the
performance. We gotta go strip down, Michael. It’s show time.”
With that, Anna winked at me and playfully began to remove her robe.
The Kaleido Stars then tersely left me, and I was ushered to my UN-
dressing room.
-----------------
A few minutes later, and after another set of commercials:
“Well, the signals we got from the back indicate that they’re going to
do it…” Joe Rogan said.
“So, for the final challenge, here they are… TEAM KALEIDO STAR -- AU
NATURALE…”
At that, Mia and Anna came in from one side of the stage, Leon came in
from another…
And I was raised by a platform onto the stage.
None of us were wearing a stitch.
There was some apparent attempt to cover up, due to embarrassment, but
the ladies couldn’t stop laughing when they saw me…
At that point, we launched into our song, “Naked” by Deborah Gibson.
I’m not a BAD singer, but this was something else. It was kind of
that surreal feeling you get when you know you’re out on a limb and
someone’s sawing the limb off!
I also felt my blood rushing to various parts of my nude body.
I’m not even sure I heard Leon do more than a mumble, as he just made
sure never to put the microphone close enough to his mouth (until
ordered to do so to ensure that he actually had sung at least part of
the song).
The ladies were eating it up and hamming it up in song, but staying
far away from me for reasons which became increasingly obvious to
everyone watching.
They quickly threw us our outfits once we had finished, and dropped an
opaque shield over the back part of the stage so we could quickly
throw the stuff on.
Needless to say, I had a hard time getting my pants on, for some odd
reason…
-----------------
When we all were finished, we were ordered out to accept our victory.
The crowd applauded, though a few people were seen being attended to
in about the same manner that Mia was earlier…
“Well, there you have it, guys. Team Kaleido Star has won a
substantial donation for the continuing Japanese relief efforts, and
can go home now. Fear was certainly not a factor for you guys!!”
“I actually will be joining them, as I also have to travel to
Michael’s realm to continue not only my work on other projects, but to
find more contestants for future episodes of ‘Anime Fear Factor’.”,
Joe Rogan said to the audience as he shook my hand.
Just then, another wormhole had been formed on our stage, and Joe
Rogan ushered us through it.
-----------------
As promised, we were home. My home, that is. We were in my
apartment, as it were.
“So, Joe… Off to Rio?”, I asked Rogan.
“Yes sir! Off to UFC 142!”, he replied.
“Congratulations to all four of you. I know that wasn’t easy, and
Japan thanks you for all your hard work.”, Rogan said as he exited my
apartment and began to call for a taxi cab.
I sighed at that. I was still quite disturbed.
“I think I know why you aren’t happy right now, Michael.”, Anna said.
“Leon, could you head into the kitchen and wait until we get you to be
sent back?”, Mia requested.
Leon silently nodded.
I almost broke down when he left.
“I want you guys so fucking badly that it hurts. You are very
beautiful and sexy women, and…”, I said.
Both of the ladies ceased my memory dump with a simultaneous kiss to
my face. One on each cheek.
“Michael, we trust you. Thank you for going through that with us.
Keep any actual sexuality to Layla, though, for now…”, Anna said.
Mia took my chin. “Doesn’t mean we might not consider it later, but
we do have to go immediately. That left leg of yours needs to get
looked at urgently. It looks all screwed up with the veins and lumps
and the like… The circulation appears gone.”, she said. “But, as for
the rest of it, don’t worry. You always have this, for the time
being…”
Mia showed me a copy of Kaleido Star, with Mia in her outfit from
Cinderella. This picture was unedited, as the skirt went very short
and showed the lower contours of her derriere.
“Remember me when you see that.”, she said with a smile as Anna went
to get Leon. Almost instantaneously when we parted, the three left,
the challenge over.
***************
Woo. That was actually a fairly easy Medium, at least for me.
Basically: Challenge One I could’ve given to either of the two
ladies, and just picked Mia on a lark. If you need to know why I felt
that most any of the Kaleido Stars could take on that challenge (and I
hope it was grotesque enough to qualify under the lack of any cooking
acumen for Akane), pick up the last Kaleido Star OVA and find out what
the “May Wong Special” really is. That doesn’t mean it couldn’t
eventually make Mia sick, but, as long as she ate it and emptied her
mouth, the victory was secure. Under competitive-eating rules,
however, that might not have been the case.
Challenge Two: I’m not really sure what phobias the Kaleido Stars
actually have (and they can’t have many, owing to some of the
extravagant sets -- for example, the entire lower part of the set
where Layla and Sora have their sword fight in S1 E13 catches apparent
fire, by design!!), so I basically put the snakes in with Anna. It
was very important that I told them that the stunts were done in a
controlled environment -- and I really like how Rogan and the show
address that issue immediately before the show begins with the
disclaimer. Hence, no poison, just a lot of slimy snakes for bed-
mates.
Third Challenge: I didn’t even think about it until I started the
third challenge part of this, but then I remembered that Leon had done
“Dracula” in the early part of Kaleido Star’s second season (about
episodes 31 and 32 of the series). The rest made it easy. I couldn’t
remember if the set actually had dirt on it, or whether they ever
revealed the set at all. (“Dracula” was used as a backdrop to the
first Sora vs. May battles to be lead partner to Leon.) So I figured
he emerged from a coffin to enter the show, and Kaleido Star makes
things as realistic as possible…
Final Challenge: If it were just the three, it’d be trivial. As much
as it was never shown on the show, there were certainly costume
changes galore during the show (and not just the ones you saw on stage
(which see Angel’s Maneuver, E51)), and, as performers, they could be
comfortable naked with each other.
Me? With my leg fetish of the Kaleido Stars?? That was an issue.
Not insurmountable. Had this been the first or second year that I had
done a challenge with these guys, chances are I’m not sure I could
convince you that they’d trust me enough. The fact that the insertion
point I used (as I always do with the Kaleido Stars) included all
previous challenges (including, now, two non-posted Nanowrimos on my
computer), I figured enough trust had entered the building.
Song choice was obvious.
Mia Guillem, Anna Heart, and Leon Oswald from “Kaleido Star”, plus me.
---------
I knew that New Year’s had gone more than a bit too easily.
Several hours after New Year’s had started, I was awoken, not by my
friends, but by my Zapitron 3000 beeping wildly.
I knew that was usually trouble, so I quickly connected and booted up
my laptop to find the Challenge and found…
Nothing.
Not a damned thing on the Internet which indicated any sort of a
reason for an immediate call of my characters, which is what I assumed
the machine was attempting to get me to do.
That was all fine and good, except now I realized that I was probably
going to be the one to do the traveling, either to directly aid one of
the characters in their world, or to head someplace else.
“Please, for the love of God, not Segonax again…”, I moped as I
entered my three characters into the machine and hit for them to come.
What I didn’t expect next was a giant wormhole to immediately open up
and suck me in!
--------
As I walked through the interdimensional portal of the wormhole, I
popped out the other side to a soundstage -- or, more correctly,
backstage of said soundstage.
And, sure enough, there were my teammates, Mia, Anna, and Leon. They
were all pacing around, looking rather puzzled.
“There he is.”, Leon said as he was the first to see me as I had
stepped through.
Mia and Anna ran over to hug me, as it was good to see them.
“So, how are you doing this first day of 2012?”, Mia asked me.
“About as confused as the rest of you, I would have to say…”, was my
response. “I know not where we are, nor what we are supposed to do.”
“The machine went kaflooie again?”, Anna queried.
“Sounds like it.”, Leon quipped. “No matter. We’re here. So is the
Challenge, I would have to presume, and…”
Just then, I was shocked to see a familiar face walking towards us.
“Ah, our first show’s contestants are here!”, Joe Rogan said.
“Joe Rogan!! I’m surprised you’re here! I figured you’d be in Las
Vegas, handling the post mortems on Brock Lesnar’s mixed-martial-arts
career after UFC 141!”, I remarked.
“The wonders of interdimensional travel, friend.”, Mr. Rogan replied
as he shook my hand. “I, too, have the capability of interdimensional
travel into and through anime worlds, Michael.”
“So you know who this man is, then?”, Leon asked suspiciously.
“Yes, and I know you too, Mr. Oswald, Ms. Heart, and Ms. Guillem.”, he
said as he shook hands with all three of them.
“Nice to meet you. I’m not familiar with MMA, but I do remember your
work on ‘Fear Factor‘.”, Mia noted.
“And that’s why you are here, speaking of…”, Rogan said, as if a light
bulb went on in his head.
“I don’t understand.”, Anna sweat dropped.
“Well, with the return of ‘Fear Factor’ in your realm, the
interdimensional sponsors of previous versions of the show in other
realms contacted me and asked if I would resurrect ‘Anime Fear Factor’
as well!”, Rogan said.
Just then, my stomach began to turn. I knew what this probably meant!
“Anyhow, it’s about three minutes before our first show. Just
remember: To return to your realms, you must complete all four
stunts.”, Rogan advised us as he was taken for a quick final makeup
and microphone check.
---------
At this, I groaned. All I could think about was how much I was going
to vomit when I probably literally had to eat shit (with the hopes of
many that I actually WOULD die as a result).
We were quickly outfitted with our ‘Fear Factor’ safety outfits, and
taken to our ready position just off stage. We were told to remain
quiet, as the show as about to begin the instant we were ready.
---------
“These anime characters are going to attempt stunts in a controlled
environment. These stunts have been designed with safety protocols in
mind, and should not be attempted by any amateurs any time, any place,
or any where.”, Rogan’s voice said in a pre-taped disclaimer.
“Welcome to the return of ‘Anime Fear Factor’…”, Rogan’s voice said as
the lights went up and an audience cheered as Joe Rogan came out onto
the stage.
“Hello, I’m Joe Rogan, and we have a brand new season of anime
challenges and contestants on ‘Anime Fear Factor’. Let’s meet our
team of four for the first show of the season!”, Rogan said as he
gestured his hand in our direction.
An announcer introduced us. (Normally, on the show, the contestants
would introduce themselves. We didn’t have time for that luxury.)
“First, from Holland, an acrobat and show writer whose hobbies include
the trapeze and computers. Now residing in Cape Mary, California,
here’s Mia Guillem!”, he said as Mia ran out and waved to the audience
enthusiastically.
“Second, from France, an internationally-renowned trapeze superstar
whose work has aided in the creation of ‘The Era of Light’ on Kaleido
Stage. Also currently residing in Cape Mary, California, this is Leon
Oswald.”, the announcer continued as Leon walked out and just stood
next to Mia.
“Third, from and currently residing in California, this performer
loves comedy and making people laugh. Ladies and gentlemen, Anna
Heart!”, the announcer continued as Anna joined the pair and waved to
the crowd with a mischievous smile.
“And finally, from Wisconsin, the team captain… His hobbies include
video games, the Internet, and arriving, raising Hell, and leaving.
Ladies and gentlemen, now residing in California’s Inland Empire,
Michael Falkner!”, the announcer concluded as the crowd turned a bit
on me.
“Who made you the team captain?”, Leon grumbled.
“The show did, I guess… Not sure why that’s going to matter.”, I
replied quickly as Rogan came to us.
“This is a team which was constructed by our captain and brought from
their realms to here to compete for a massive charity donation which
will go to the continuing Japanese earthquake relief efforts.
However, should they fail any task, they are stuck here…”, Rogan said.
“Forever?”, Anna wondered with a worried voice.
“Probably.”, I whispered. “Let’s just see to it that we are not going
to let that happen.”
“There will be four challenges. And, Mr. Falkner, you may not
participate in any of the first three. You must assign one member of
your team to complete each task. Am I understood?”, Rogan asked me.
“Understood completely, Mr. Rogan.”, I said back.
“OK, so who’s ready for a little ‘Fear Factor Cuisine’ from your
group?”, he asked me.
I called a quick conference.
“Be careful. You guys might not have a stomach left when they’re done
with you.”, I warned.
“I’ll do it!”, Mia said. “I can handle May’s cooking, so what’s there
to be worried about?”
“Famous last words, Mia, but it’s all yours.”, I said as I broke our
little confab. “OK, Joe. I choose Mia Guillem for a little ‘Anime
Fear Factor Cuisine’.”
“All right. The rest of you, go sit over there, and I will take Mia
and have her eat for all of us.”, Joe Rogan said as he took Mia to the
table.
On the table was enough plates for a seven-course meal.
“Your task, Miss Guillem, is to complete a seven-course meal provided
by our Specialty Cook of the Night.”, Rogan told Mia. “And would you
like to know who that is?”
Mia nodded.
“OK, let’s meet our Specialty Cook of the Night!!”, Rogan said as he
called to the other wing of the main stage, and out came a rather
young girl.
“This is Akane Tendo, from the world of “Ranma ½.”, Rogan said to the
applause of the audience. “And she has prepared seven specialties for
you to eat in a classic seven-course meal. Succeed in doing so, and
you complete your event. Got it, Mia?”, Rogan said.
“Mmmm-hmmm. And I’m hungry too…”, she responded.
My stomach turned. This was my least favorite part of the old “Fear
Factor”. I have a staunch constitution, but too many maggots and all
that put me on the edge of puking myself.
“OK, Akane… What do we have for course number one?”, Rogan asked of
the girl.
Akane walked over to the first platter and removed the cover on it.
“Curry! Sora’s had me try this from time to time!!”, Mia said as she
dug right in.
I raised my eyebrow to the rest of the team. I didn’t think they’d
lob us such an apparent soft ball, and was waiting to see the punch
line to this.
Anna quickly finished off the small bit of curry provided, and, as she
was quietly instructed to do, opened her mouth and stuck out her
tongue to indicate she was finished with course number one.
“I hope you enjoyed my cinnamon, garlic powder, and hot sauce curry,
Mia!”, Akane smiled.
That basically made me retch and it looked like Mia wobbled a little
bit at that situation. But her stomach held.
“You’ve done well, Ms. Guillem. But that’s only the first course.”,
Rogan advised. “What next, Chef Akane?”
Akane smiled and exposed the Soup du Jour: Vegetable Soup…
That is, if you can call the misshapen and badly cooked vegetables in
under-cooked broth “soup”…
My stomach did a flip at this, and Mia wasn’t exactly crazy at it.
But, as she noticed that there appeared to be a carrot and a broccoli
and a kumquat (a KUMQUAT??) in the soup, she dug in.
This went a bit slower, as she felt she had to strongly season the
soup to make it edible.
“Oh my God…”, Anna said to me. “That girl threw a banana in vegetable
soup?”
“And two week-old celery stalks. God, they look as brown as the
soup!”, I noted.
Mia carefully took her time, but got it down.
I threw up completely at the first main course: Goat milk with goat
cheese -- which appeared to come straight from the goat, as it
appeared to be homemade. It also appeared as if something was still
moving in the filet which was “prepared” for Mia.
She gulped a bit at it, thinking she saw the same thing. However, one
thing got her to eating it:
“Remember the disclaimer, Mia. This is done under a very controlled
environment. Though Akane’s choices for food are from the Anything
Goes Martial-Arts School of Cooking, our intention is NOT to poison
you.”
With that, Mia dutifully downed it, the “salad” (which appeared to be
made of everything from grass blades to day-old bread instead of the
crutons, with a healthy dressing which appeared to be a mix of every
conceivable non-pleasing flavor under the sun), and a pasta dish which
was basically cooked for only about 1/3 of the time (and, hence, had
no consistency whatsoever) and covered with au jus onion dip, a cheese
sauce which smelled from our position to be a mix of limburger, bleu
cheese, and God knows what else…
When Mia exposed her empty mouth, the next dish…
We didn’t even know WHAT this was supposed to be. It looked like
Akane had essentially emptied the kitchen sink on this second-to-last
dish with everything she grabbed for the main courses but didn’t use
on the others. It appeared as if included some more kumquats, some of
the cuts of meat which didn’t make the cut on the goat, and good Lord
knows what else…
Akane smiled as it appeared that Mia was grimacing her way through the
last main dish, but she closed it off.
“And now, our Akane Dessert Surprise!”, Rogan said with a flourish as
Rogan unveiled…
An apparently perfect-looking ice cream sundae with sprinkles and
chocolate sauce.
With that, Mia dug right in, as she seemed to still have room for the
dessert, and her taste buds apparently completely numbed by this
point, she finished the sundae to roaring applause from the audience
-- and from us!
“Mia has won the first challenge for Team Kaleido Star!!”, Rogan
announced as Mia exposed her empty mouth for the win.
Akane hugged and thanked Mia for completing the dish.
Just then, Joe Rogan asked Akane: “So, what did you put in the sundae
that made it so delicious?”
“Well, let’s see…”, Akane started. “The goat milk that wasn’t used
for the goat cheese was left out and made into ice cream with some old
margarine I found…”
That started Mia’s face pursing…
Akane continued: “… the sauce was the left-over au jus from the pasta
dish made into cream…”
That just about did it…
Akane concluded with a smile… “And the sprinkles were my specialty.
Sugar-free with my very own sugar substitute. Sodium Chloride!!”
Sotto voce, my last words before I saw someone run by us like a shot:
“Oh crap. Table salt!!”
With that, Mia ran for the nearest bathroom. She would be in no need
of a stomach pump after that.
Joe Rogan was now the one to sweat-drop. “We’ll check on Mia. The
rules only required that she eat the food, and she did! So we’ll find
out who gets the next challenge, after these commercials!”
-------------
The three of us ran after Mia, and all we could hear from the bathroom
was a complete retch-job. Every one of those seven courses was going
to come back while we were waiting for the commercial to end.
We were quickly ushered back to the stage by some backstage
attendants.
Joe Rogan quickly said to me before the red light came on, “She’ll be
fine. The doctors will make sure she is OK and properly hydrated and
gets some real food before your final challenge, should you make it
that far. We really thought you guys were goners out there. She did
about four courses better than any of us thought was inhumanly
possible!”
With that, we were back on the air.
---------------
Joe Rogan smiled and said to the cameras and audiences, “I was just
letting our team captain know that Mia Guillem would be all right and
attended to for going through that first challenge. We are not
interested in any actual physical harm here, and we stress, for the
third time tonight: These stunts are done under controlled
environments, and not to be attempted by amateurs any time, any place,
or any where…”
“Welcome back to the second challenge of ‘Anime Fear Factor’.”
“We’re back with Team Kaleido Star, minus our first successful
challenger. Michael, who’s up to take a little nap?”, Joe Rogan asked
me.
I looked around. I knew there was a catch.
“I’ll do it…”, Anna said. “I know you got something in mind, but I
think I can handle anything you throw at me.
“OK, Anna… Come with me to the ‘Fear Factor Hotel’!”, Rogan said as
he took Anna’s hand and led her over to a specially constructed bed,
surrounded with plexiglass.
“Lay down right inside the bed, Anna.”, Rogan said.
“Very comfortable! You spared no expense on us.”, Anna said with a
smile.
“All you have to do, Anna Heart, is stay in that bed for fifteen
minutes.”, Rogan said to her. “START THE CLOCK AND BRING IN HER
ROOMMATES!!”
With that, the attendants came in and brought literally hundreds of
garden snakes. The attendants dumped the snakes on Anna, but made
sure, at all times, to keep her face exposed -- not only for the
benefit of the audience to watch her squirm in disgust, but that they
would not cover her face and stop her breathing at any time in the
stunt.
“Remember, Anna: Those snakes ARE NOT POISONOUS!! This is a
controlled environment, just as he told the audience!!”, I reminded
her continuously.
“This is GROSS!! They’re sliming all over me, Michael!!”, Anna
screamed.
“Just breathe, Anna… Just… breathe…”, Leon said to her. “The snake
oil might do well for that skin too…”
Anna then calmly began to inhale and exhale. She certainly appeared
mentally strained by the thought of literally hundreds of snakes all
over her body (including a couple which occasionally came very close
to some strategic spots!), but, once she got used to it, she relaxed…
Fifteen minutes, then, went by, the time buzzer went off, and Anna had
won her stunt.
Anna was then out of the bed like a shot, while the attendants made
sure she damaged none of the snakes upon her very hasty exit.
She was handed towels for all the oil and slime and the like, and the
next commercial was called for.
------------
At that point, I ran backstage again, and saw Mia. She was getting
intravenous fluids and actual food.
“God, I can’t believe I ate all that. I guess having the ‘May Wong
Special’ every once in a while prepared me for it.”, Mia said to me.
“More like numbed your taste buds.”, I quipped.
“They had to convince me that this was my favorite food while I was
getting my IV put in.”, Mia said with a sigh.
Just then, Anna quickly joined us, toweling off snake oil.
“I have to get another outfit for the next segment. They’re doing a
retrospective of the first two stunts, so they won’t need us for a few
minutes.”, Anna said as they ran her off for a new wardrobe.
“What’d they make her do?”, Mia asked me.
“Lay down for fifteen minutes in a bed of snakes.”, I said, to her
revulsion.
The doctors made sure all food stayed down and asked me to be careful
in talking to her.
“I’m fine. Just a visceral reaction.”, Mia said.
Just then, I was beckoned onstage just as the red light came back on
for part three.
---------------
“Welcome to the third challenge of ‘Anime Fear Factor’.”, Rogan, as a
voice-over, said.
“We’re back, and we’re in the graveyard with the remaining Kaleido
Star, Leon Oswald. And I’m sure you would like to know what your
challenge is…”, Rogan said to Oswald.
“Yes, I would.”, Leon said.
“Well, we seem to recall that you were in a production of ‘Dracula’ on
Kaleido Stage, and, perhaps, this challenge should, then, be right up
your alley.”, Rogan said.
“Lay down in this coffin.”, he continued. Oswald complied.
“So what’s going to be in this coffin with me?”, Leon asked.
“Nothing. But you will be buried alive for fifteen minutes inside
it!”, Rogan said to the crowd’s gasps.
I ran to the coffin.
“Leon, remember… Controlled environment. There’s no way they would
make you do this without sufficient air…”, I reminded Leon.
“What do you think I was doing before every performance of Dracula on
Kaleido Stage, Michael?”, Leon shot back. “I have this completely.
Let me relax now. This almost reminds me of the initial set for the
production. I even did some of these entrances with the ice skates
on!”
“I’m ready, Mr. Rogan.”, he told Joe Rogan as Rogan led me aside.
At that point, the casket was lowered, with him inside, into position.
Then, a massive amount of dirt was quickly dumped onto the grave, and
the clock started.
“We wish to stress again, for the fourth time tonight, this stunt is
done under controlled conditions, as Mr. Falkner noted. DO NOT TRY
THIS AT HOME.”, Joe Rogan sternly reminded the audience.
A small camera was snaked near the top of the casket, in which we
could see Leon’s face. Doctors and technicians were keeping an eye on
the entire situation, for any sign of trouble.
What startled me is that, even though Leon Oswald was under tons of
dirt, he was calmly breathing. He truly HAD done this before. Many
times!
The time buzzer went off, as it if it was five minutes, and not the
fifteen it actually was, and Leon had gotten us to the final stunt.
As the technicians worked feverishly to get all that dirt off the
casket, Joe Rogan shook my hand and congratulated the team.
“That was incredible! How did he do it?”, Joe Rogan asked me.
“One of his first famous performances at Kaleido Stage was a
production of ‘Dracula’. From the look he gave me and what he told
me, your stunt was basically the same as how they had set up his
initial entrance in the production!”, I answered.
“Be that the case, your entire team will be needed for the final
challenge, which will come up after these messages and a look at some
of the new stunts we have planned for ‘Anime Fear Factor’.”, Rogan
said as the red light on the camera went out.
-----------------
I helped Leon out of the casket.
“That was freaking amazing!”, I said as I hugged him.
He brushed off the hug brusquely. “I told you, I had it completely
under control. But thank you… We do appreciate your support.”, he
said as we went backstage.
At that point, we saw Mia prepared (or so she thought) for the final
stunt.
“You OK, Mia?”, I asked.
“Fine, now. The color’s returned to my face, and they say I look good
enough to compete in the final challenge.”, she told me with a wink.
“Good to hear… Good to hear…”, I said back. “Now, where’s Anna? We
need all four of us for this challenge…”
I went to the room they took Anna to… I knocked on the door…
“Is that my wardrobe, FINALLY?”, Anna shot out.
“No, it’s not. It’s me. We’ve got one more challenge left, and we
need you out here…”, I said to the door, with her inside the room.
“When they get me my suit, I’m ready to go. But will you tell them to
hurry up?”, Anna said, in about as annoyed of a voice as I’d ever
heard her.
Just then, we were taken back to the stage.
----------------
The lights had just come on as we walked back out.
“We’ll give you a look at a few of our new stunts for this season in
the next segment, as it will take some time to get our team ready for
their final challenge…”, Joe Rogan said to the camera as we were
ushered next to him.
I was concerned about that only the three of us were out there, but we
were there.
“This is three-fourths of Team Kaleido Star, as we are still trying to
get Anna Heart prepared for the final challenge…”, Joe Rogan said.
“This challenge will involve all four of you, and it will seem very
easy, but there is one twist.”, Rogan told me.
“To win the charity donation and to return to your realms, you only
need to sing one song of karaoke for us. Any song you like…”, he
continued.
Mia squealed. I smiled. Leon was non-plussed. He hated to sing, but
figured he’d put up with it.
Just then, I stopped. I thought of something. I thought of why we
still hadn’t seen Anna…
“But there’s a catch, right?”, I asked Rogan.
“Why, yes, there is, Michael.”, he answered me in return. “We all saw
you go back to check on Anna Heart and what you (and she) thought was
going to be a change into a new wardrobe…”
It hit me -- right there and then…
“OH… NO….”, was my only response.
“Yep, Michael’s got it. Anna’s already in her ‘wardrobe’ for the
final challenge…”, Joe Rogan announced.
Mia’s jaw dropped. Leon was shaking his head.
“To win the challenge, you must perform one song -- COMPLETELY…
NUDE!!! We’ll give you some time to think it over, but, remember:
You must win this to be able to return.”, Joe Rogan said as we were
all led backstage.
----------------
“No way in Hell!”, Leon said.
“Even after being buried alive?”, Mia asked him.
“HOLY… They didn’t do that to us, did they?”, Anna screamed as she
came out with a bathrobe wrapped around her.
“’Fraid they did, Anna… We gotta go out there naked.”, I said with a
sigh.
“I’ll do it if it gets us home.”, Anna said.
“So will I.”, Mia said.
We all looked to Leon. He sighed, but he knew that his looks were
part of the reason why he was so popular and considered so dreamy by
the fans of Kaleido Stage, so he said yes.
His temporary roles in productions similar to Cirque du Soleil’s
“Zumanity” didn’t hurt any.
So, the three looked to me.
“I’d do it, but there IS one problem…”, I said. “I do sleep in the
buff quite a bit, so I’m not that uncomfortable naked, except for one
thing.”
“And that is?”, Leon said.
At that, knowing the show was still airing the segment for the new
stunts, I grabbed both Mia and Anna’s arms and asked to talk with them
privately.
-------------
“When this is over, and I am as serious as a heart attack on this, I’m
going to want to have sex with both of you.”, I confessed to Mia and
Anna.
“And you aren’t going to like seeing me naked. I don’t know how Layla
ever thinks she could put up with it.”, I continued, at which point
Mia put one finger on my mouth.
“Because she trusts you, and she wants some of that from you because
she’s never had it for herself. It’s all been about her money.”, Anna
said.
“Michael, trust us. But you need to keep your hands off of us during
the performance, and no jacking off either.”, Mia advised.
“They said that would get us disqualified if either of us did that
with respect to the ladies.”, Leon noted as he walked in to our
conversation.
“I have to confess, I’ve always fantasized about your bodies.”, I said
tersely.
“Thank you.”, Mia said as she hugged me. “But, hands off for the
performance. We gotta go strip down, Michael. It’s show time.”
With that, Anna winked at me and playfully began to remove her robe.
The Kaleido Stars then tersely left me, and I was ushered to my UN-
dressing room.
-----------------
A few minutes later, and after another set of commercials:
“Well, the signals we got from the back indicate that they’re going to
do it…” Joe Rogan said.
“So, for the final challenge, here they are… TEAM KALEIDO STAR -- AU
NATURALE…”
At that, Mia and Anna came in from one side of the stage, Leon came in
from another…
And I was raised by a platform onto the stage.
None of us were wearing a stitch.
There was some apparent attempt to cover up, due to embarrassment, but
the ladies couldn’t stop laughing when they saw me…
At that point, we launched into our song, “Naked” by Deborah Gibson.
I’m not a BAD singer, but this was something else. It was kind of
that surreal feeling you get when you know you’re out on a limb and
someone’s sawing the limb off!
I also felt my blood rushing to various parts of my nude body.
I’m not even sure I heard Leon do more than a mumble, as he just made
sure never to put the microphone close enough to his mouth (until
ordered to do so to ensure that he actually had sung at least part of
the song).
The ladies were eating it up and hamming it up in song, but staying
far away from me for reasons which became increasingly obvious to
everyone watching.
They quickly threw us our outfits once we had finished, and dropped an
opaque shield over the back part of the stage so we could quickly
throw the stuff on.
Needless to say, I had a hard time getting my pants on, for some odd
reason…
-----------------
When we all were finished, we were ordered out to accept our victory.
The crowd applauded, though a few people were seen being attended to
in about the same manner that Mia was earlier…
“Well, there you have it, guys. Team Kaleido Star has won a
substantial donation for the continuing Japanese relief efforts, and
can go home now. Fear was certainly not a factor for you guys!!”
“I actually will be joining them, as I also have to travel to
Michael’s realm to continue not only my work on other projects, but to
find more contestants for future episodes of ‘Anime Fear Factor’.”,
Joe Rogan said to the audience as he shook my hand.
Just then, another wormhole had been formed on our stage, and Joe
Rogan ushered us through it.
-----------------
As promised, we were home. My home, that is. We were in my
apartment, as it were.
“So, Joe… Off to Rio?”, I asked Rogan.
“Yes sir! Off to UFC 142!”, he replied.
“Congratulations to all four of you. I know that wasn’t easy, and
Japan thanks you for all your hard work.”, Rogan said as he exited my
apartment and began to call for a taxi cab.
I sighed at that. I was still quite disturbed.
“I think I know why you aren’t happy right now, Michael.”, Anna said.
“Leon, could you head into the kitchen and wait until we get you to be
sent back?”, Mia requested.
Leon silently nodded.
I almost broke down when he left.
“I want you guys so fucking badly that it hurts. You are very
beautiful and sexy women, and…”, I said.
Both of the ladies ceased my memory dump with a simultaneous kiss to
my face. One on each cheek.
“Michael, we trust you. Thank you for going through that with us.
Keep any actual sexuality to Layla, though, for now…”, Anna said.
Mia took my chin. “Doesn’t mean we might not consider it later, but
we do have to go immediately. That left leg of yours needs to get
looked at urgently. It looks all screwed up with the veins and lumps
and the like… The circulation appears gone.”, she said. “But, as for
the rest of it, don’t worry. You always have this, for the time
being…”
Mia showed me a copy of Kaleido Star, with Mia in her outfit from
Cinderella. This picture was unedited, as the skirt went very short
and showed the lower contours of her derriere.
“Remember me when you see that.”, she said with a smile as Anna went
to get Leon. Almost instantaneously when we parted, the three left,
the challenge over.
***************
Woo. That was actually a fairly easy Medium, at least for me.
Basically: Challenge One I could’ve given to either of the two
ladies, and just picked Mia on a lark. If you need to know why I felt
that most any of the Kaleido Stars could take on that challenge (and I
hope it was grotesque enough to qualify under the lack of any cooking
acumen for Akane), pick up the last Kaleido Star OVA and find out what
the “May Wong Special” really is. That doesn’t mean it couldn’t
eventually make Mia sick, but, as long as she ate it and emptied her
mouth, the victory was secure. Under competitive-eating rules,
however, that might not have been the case.
Challenge Two: I’m not really sure what phobias the Kaleido Stars
actually have (and they can’t have many, owing to some of the
extravagant sets -- for example, the entire lower part of the set
where Layla and Sora have their sword fight in S1 E13 catches apparent
fire, by design!!), so I basically put the snakes in with Anna. It
was very important that I told them that the stunts were done in a
controlled environment -- and I really like how Rogan and the show
address that issue immediately before the show begins with the
disclaimer. Hence, no poison, just a lot of slimy snakes for bed-
mates.
Third Challenge: I didn’t even think about it until I started the
third challenge part of this, but then I remembered that Leon had done
“Dracula” in the early part of Kaleido Star’s second season (about
episodes 31 and 32 of the series). The rest made it easy. I couldn’t
remember if the set actually had dirt on it, or whether they ever
revealed the set at all. (“Dracula” was used as a backdrop to the
first Sora vs. May battles to be lead partner to Leon.) So I figured
he emerged from a coffin to enter the show, and Kaleido Star makes
things as realistic as possible…
Final Challenge: If it were just the three, it’d be trivial. As much
as it was never shown on the show, there were certainly costume
changes galore during the show (and not just the ones you saw on stage
(which see Angel’s Maneuver, E51)), and, as performers, they could be
comfortable naked with each other.
Me? With my leg fetish of the Kaleido Stars?? That was an issue.
Not insurmountable. Had this been the first or second year that I had
done a challenge with these guys, chances are I’m not sure I could
convince you that they’d trust me enough. The fact that the insertion
point I used (as I always do with the Kaleido Stars) included all
previous challenges (including, now, two non-posted Nanowrimos on my
computer), I figured enough trust had entered the building.
Song choice was obvious.