d***@gmail.com
2009-01-13 05:15:31 UTC
2009 New Year’s Challenge
Medium Challenge: “Three Impossible Tasks Before Dinner”
Team Braintrust: Mia Gillem, Yuri Killian, and May Wong of “Kaleido
Star” and the writer, me, Michael Falkner.
(Special Appearance by the Chief of the Challenges: Bill Martin)
=====
All I can say is that it had already been a full week. I had just
brought my friend back from a party and I could only be glad that it
went well, because nothing else was.
My friend had a four-figure package somewhere in the ether of manual
shipping. You’d think they could actually ship something worth a damn
from point to point in a reasonable amount of time without
conveniently forgetting it somewhere.
Or is it now “When it absolutely, positively has to be there when we
feel like putting the damn thing in the truck?”
*sigh* _More_ idiocy.
Well, at least I had some friends coming over for a while -- and it
didn’t even have to be a week this time. I didn’t even realize until
a few days before that I had actually had an update to the ol’ Zap-I-
Tron which allowed me to keep my friends more than a week.
So it was a relief when I hit the button and over to my apartment came
Mia Gillem (with a big hug), May Wong (likewise, surprisingly), and
Yuri Killian.
Me: “Good to see you all again…”
Mia: “Well, now that we have all the time off we need, it’s almost a
pleasure that we get to come here. Thanks…”
Me: “Let me guess…”
May: “The freaking idiots in this world can’t keep an economy going
without their hands in the pie!! BAWRRAWRAWRAR….”
May’s continued barking woke my roommate, who was not pleased.
Yuri quieted May and my roommate, and we went on from there…
Me: “So Kaleido Stage is kaput too, eh?”
Yuri: “Yep. The investors still have quite a bit of money, but not
nearly enough to keep the Stage afloat long-term. So they’re looking
into other revenue streams and the like. Preliminary plans are in
place for a “Farewell Tour” to span the country, and we’re looking
forward to the opportunity.”
May: “They’re not only wrecking my dream of stardom, they’re wrecking
my country too…”
Me: “I know. And I fear that’s going to get worse…”
But, just as the discussion was about to turn more political, another
light came into the room…
Me: “Wait, I didn’t summon a four…”
A dapper gentleman came out of the light this time -- I had seen him
once before.
Me: “Mr. Martin… Good to see you again…”
Bill: “Good to see you too, hopefully in a lot less combative of a
mood than I’ve seen you lately…”
Me: “Well, I’m not dealing with idiots here…”
May smiled and flicked her hair.
Bill: “So, let’s see…”
He scanned a list…
Bill: “Team Braintrust -- Mia Gillem, Yuri Killian, and May Wong…”
Mia: “Good to meet you, and you are??”
Bill: “Ahh… I guess I should get right to it. My name is Bill, and
I’ve been the one sending you around on these Challenges every year
for the last few. Michael here has chosen to participate -- this is
his third year.”
May immediately interrupted: “So you’re the idiot that sent us to the
Land of the Lost last year…”
Bill: “Guilty as charged. I almost didn’t think you guys would get
out, but you somehow lucked into it.”
Mia: “They told us about that. Good grief…”
Yuri: “So, I guess you’re here to give us this year’s Challenge.”
Bill: “Correct, Mr. Killian. And I’m here, in some small way, to
take part…”
I arched my eyebrow.
Bill: “Have you heard of the Restaurant at the End of the Universe,
Milliways?”
I shook my head. Mia knew of it, but didn’t think it really existed,
in any dimension.
Yuri: “Faintly in my studies many years ago… Why do you ask?”
Bill: “I would like to take you to dinner there, if you earn the right
to go.”
Me: “And the ‘earning the right to go’ is the Challenge.”
Bill: “You are smarter than most believe, Michael.”
May: “Now wait a minute… He’s not that dumb…”
Bill: “There are those who would claim otherwise. He’s more than a
bit stubborn in his beliefs.”
May smiled at me and actually put her arm around me for a second as
she flicked her hair confidently with her other hand.
May: “Maybe he’s my type of guy…”
I giggled. May certainly had the body I might want and the wildcat
attitude that might keep me on my toes, but it was time to be on task.
Bill: “Your task is simple… There is an old saying: ‘If you’ve done
three impossible things today, top it off with dinner at Milliways.’
So, I literally want you to accomplish three impossible tasks. I have
a list here of various tasks that would qualify, in my view…”
Bill then handed me a large piece of paper with a list of tasks…
I then immediately said: “ARE YOU CRAZY?? Pay off the entire US
mortgage debt??? Find Osama bin Laden??? Hell, for that one, find
George W. Bush and the people protecting Osama in our government and
that’ll give you all the answers you need for that one!!!”
Bill grimaced. He didn’t think I would be _that_ difficult.
May then took the paper and similarly screamed: “YOU ARE NUTS!!
Resuscitate a dinosaur from fossil bones? Raise the Titanic?? Get a
block of 20 50-yard line Super Bowl tickets? Buy a Super Bowl
commercial for an AMV of 3-4 minutes??? Send me…”
My eyes lit up at the last two.
Me: “Stop. May, stop for a second…”
“Strategy time. Bill, make yourself comfortable. I may need to ask
you for a ruling on some of these…”
May: “You aren’t seriously considering…”
Me: “There’s a couple in there that might be easier than the others
-- we would just have to come up with a third…”
Mia: “What do you have in mind…”
Me: “As I said, Strategy Time…”
I sat my team down.
Me: “There’s one very important thing you have to understand. Things
are moving very quickly in our world(s) today. You know this from the
financial disasters which have felled Kaleido Stage.”
“They have also felled many of the top companies in the country as
well, including most of the investment banks.”
“Although Super Bowl tickets are ridiculously expensive at the 50 yard-
line, going for thousands upon thousands, that price usually, to the
great chagrin of football fans, makes the Super Bowl venue not one for
fans, but one for corporate pigs like the ones who felled Kaleido
Stage.”
May: “What do you have in mind?”
Me: “If some of them had to liquidate as a condition of government
help or a bankruptcy, there might be tickets available in sufficient
quantity at a ticket broker.”
Yuri: “But that would require connections…”
Me: “As would what else I have planned. As you probably can figure
out, 4 minutes of Super Bowl commercial time is pushing eight
figures. Yuri, you’re telling me the investors of Kaleido Stage are
looking for revenue streams -- how about having May perform at the
Super Bowl as a prelude to this…”
Yuri began to look interested. May’s eyes perked up!
Yuri: “They’d have to come up with about $10-12 million to do it…
And, believe you and me, they’d have to be trusted that they could get
it back.”
Me: “They’d have front-row seats to the spectacle.”
May: “Then WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR??”
Me: “A third impossible task, and to try to get a ruling from Bill to
make sure this is sufficient…”
Mia: “How about having May perform the Demon Spiral to Yuri at the
Super Bowl??”
May: “And that’s something Sora can’t lay claim to.”
Me: “Exactly. She’d be watching, right next to me and Ken…”
Me: “Basically, she performs as part of a surprise addition to the
Super Bowl half-time show, after Bruce Springsteen. A minimalist
trapeze set-up is brought out, and, after she performs the Spiral, she
shoots off a pyrotechnic device toward the Jumbotron at the stadium,
at which point the stadium and the audience at home get to see the AMV
commercial.”
Yuri: “For what, I may ask??”
Me: “Anime, as an art form -- including footage from your Kaleido
Stage.”
Yuri: “I think I can talk them into it, but I’d have to go back to do
it.”
Me: “I’ll need all your negotiation skills, Yuri, both here and
there. We’d have to talk to NBC, potential other sponsors of the
event, the NFL, probably the federal government…”
Of course, Bill overheard the entire conversation.
Bill: “That’s all fine and good, Michael. There’s only one problem.”
“I would much rather not have everything wrapped around the Super Bowl
day. I think you’re making it a bit too easy. Try to come up with
another venue for May to perform the Spiral, and you might have a
deal!”
My lips pursed. I had to come up with another work-around.
Yuri: “Here’s the plan. Send me back so I can talk to the
investors. I know I’ll probably need a briefcase of cash to pull this
off for the commercial time.”
May: “I can start planning out the setup for the performance with
Mia…”
Me: “And I’ll have to try to figure out exactly what we can set up.
And, when you get back with the cash, we’re going to need to scour any
resources we can find for tickets to the game itself.”
With that, Bill nodded and warped out -- I warped Yuri back to Cape
Mercy, and Mia and May began planning for the performance of a
lifetime.
=====
Back at Cape Mercy in Kaleido Stage’s realm, Yuri hit the ground
running.
Phone calls to the investors of Kaleido Stage and to the Hamilton
Foundation (who vowed to offer whatever help they could to the Kaleido
Stage cast and crew to transition them to the next phase of their
careers) were met with some skepticism, but they all decided to meet
on 24 hours notice.
In the penthouse meeting room of the Hamilton Foundation in Cape
Mercy, Yuri brought it all to order.
Yuri: “I know you think I’m crazy here…”
Mr. Hamilton: “Obviously, we do. What in the Hell are you thinking?
There’s no way we could crash the Super Bowl half-time show in God-
knows-where to try to revive Kaleido Stage…”
Yuri: “Mr. Hamilton, I am proposing that there are parties where I
have gone to that say they can try to put it all together.”
Investor #2: “You realize this is a National Security Event.”
Yuri: “Correct. The government would also be part of the
negotiations.”
Investor #3: “I mean, we could come up with the money, but what’s in
it for us?”
Yuri: “Exposure to a whole new world of an audience…”
That got the investors’ attention…
Mr. Hamilton: “So, exactly what did you have in mind?”
Yuri: “My sources have put together a promotional video for various
entities including Kaleido Stage. This would open up the
possibilities of a tour to a whole new audience that no one in this
room could ever have otherwise dreamed…”
“The only drawback is the economic conditions, but that’s a given
whatever we do.”
Most of the investors began to nod.
Mr. Hamilton: “I’m still not convinced. What’s in it for us to give
you upwards of $15 million for this project?”
Yuri: “Two things. First, a whole new world of possibilities for
Kaleido Stage. Yes, they are only _possibilities_, but they are more
than we have now.”
“And, if you’ll forgive me for calling in a couple of chips -- Layla
isn’t able to find much work on a moribund Broadway and you did
promise whatever help you could provide…”
Mr. Hamilton, the last barrier to pulling this off, pursed his lips
severely, grimaced, and then bent.
Mr. Hamilton: “Authorize the cash. Yuri, I am only doing this
because I trust you. Fail me once, and you lose that trust forever.”
Yuri: “I will not let you down. As I said, you will have prime seats
for the entire spectacle.”
He nodded, and, within two days, Yuri had a briefcase full of enough
cash to buy the commercial time and then some.
====
So, imagine my surprise when he warps back, and we find out that he
has secured the necessary cash, at the least to buy the commercials,
and probably the game tickets on top of it.
Me: “Well, that’s step one. Mia, how are you and May coming along?”
Mia: “Well, that’s just it… We’re trying to figure out a venue…”
Me: “Well, I have some good news for us. Read this headline…”
They all picked up an Internet print-out from some of the places I
find news at.
The headline read: DOWNTURN BANKRUPTCIES SPARK PANIC AT NBC -- SOME
SUPER BOWL ADS STILL UNSOLD DUE TO BANKRUPTCIES…
Just then, as if on a cue, Bill warped in.
Bill: “So how’s it going?”
Yuri: “Better than you might think. I have enough cash to buy the
time, but it’s a matter that I have to arrange meetings with the NFL
and NBC, as well as all other relevant parties.”
Me: “And you’re going to need to be there to show your idea, or at
least the basis for it.”
“May, you been practicing?”
May: “I keep myself in top shape all the time for my next
opportunity.”
Me: “Good. You’ve got about a month before a whole new audience sees
the Demon Spiral.”
“Bill, I need you to contact the head of marketing at NBC, and
probably see if we can arrange an audience with that person, the head
of NBC Sports, and probably at least the head of marketing at the NFL,
if not Roger Goodell himself.”
“And tell them to bring all other relevant parties…”
===========
The meeting didn’t start off well…
“But we already have the halftime show with Mr. Springsteen. What is
this madness?”
Yuri: “We have a consortium of various companies put together to help
alleviate some of your problems with some of the commercial time that
the investment companies have had to cede due to their bankruptcies…”
NBC: “But this is madness…”
Yuri: “You’re publicly having trouble filling your commercial airtime
for the Super Bowl. What kind of an embarrassment would it be for
your network not to fill all the commercial time, at whatever price…”
At that point, he opened the briefcase…
“… for the biggest television event of the year.”
NBC: “Get security.”
I tensed.
NBC: “No, not for that. We need a bonded person to help make sure
you aren’t fooling us with counterfeit cash. We also need to figure
out if this is enough to pull this off.”
While a bonded security person had all the cash counted and inspected,
the meeting continued…
NFL: “So what is this you have in mind?”
Bill: “I have a promotional video for anime, including footage from
some of the business ventures Mr. Killian is involved with…”
NBC: “But isn’t that all fake animation?”
Bill: “You would think so, but that gets to the other part of our
proposal…”
Me: “The Super Bowl Halftime Surprise”
I then laid out plans that Mia and May came up with.
Me: “Two of Kaleido Stage’s top performers, including Mr. Killian…”
That got their attention -- not only a keen business mind, but a
performer as well???
Me: “… will perform a death-defying trapeze stunt on the field just
before the commercial. Professional staff will aid in getting the
appartus off the field before the second-half kickoff…”
NFL: “We’ll have to run this through Homeland Security, obviously…
We can do that, as part of our security ventures for the event…”
Just then, the bonded security ducked his head in and said “They’re
legit. It’s more than enough!”
Me: “Obviously. I can also try to run this through other sponsors as
well…”
Bill: “But, remember, if you want to pull all this off, we need
another event for her to perform at as well…”
Just then, the NFL marketing head perked up…
NFL: “Viacom is holding a Super Bowl Bash, sponsored by Pepsi -- a
Pepsi Smash concert featuring Fall Out Boy and Rihanna. It will be
held the Thursday before the Super Bowl, and to air on VH1. May can
do the Demon Spiral there, and we’ll see to it that she can do a
smaller performance just before your commercial.”
“There is but ONE catch…”
Me: “Oh?”
NFL: “Victoria’s Secret is also a sponsor to the event, and wants in
on it…”
Me: “Then I have but one counter-catch…”
NFL: “Oh?”
Me: “The investors are going to need 20 50-yard line seats…”
NFL: “Do you have $150,000 more than the commercial cost??”
Me: “Check with your security person and the NBC marketing head.”
The three-way conference responded in the affirmative, and, thanks to
the bankruptcy of a major NFL sponsor investment bank, we had the
tickets and the commercial time.
Just a little matter of May performing in lingerie…
===========
May almost went ape-shit when the proposal we agreed to was laid out
to her…
May: “You want me to perform in freaking dental floss???”
Mia: “I do wonder if this was the NFL’s idea or Mike’s…”
Mia giggled.
Me: “It’s a condition of your performance, and…”
May: “Who the Hell makes it a condition of a performance to be jack-
off material for the entire freaking universe??”
Me: “I have to admit, the sight of either of you in lingerie is a
definite turn-on…”
Mia went red, embarrassed.
May went it for a different reason and started barking at me!
May: “You ARE a pervert. You’re scum!! I can’t believe…”
Yuri: “Actually, it was partially the NFL’s suggestion, as they got a
new sponsor for the feat, and partially Bill’s, for some odd reason.”
May: “Then HE’S a pervert and scum too!!”
May cooled down a _little_…
May: “What’s in it for me?”
Me: “Something Sora will never do. J”
With that, May grumbled about her humility and went off…
Me: “And Layla will be watching with us at the Smash concert as well
as at the 50-yard line…”
May’s face lit up… “Layla-san!!!”
Me: “Precisely. Now go practice… I have to have a word with Yuri.”
Me: “Yuri, we have but one more meeting, and it’ll have to be
somewhere in Texas…”
Then, I said sotto voce: “And more fan boys than you’ll know what to
do with…”
============
A week or so later, with only 10 days left, another top-level meeting
was held. Gen Fukunaga was in the room, along with the heads of Viz
and Bandai Entertainment USA.
On the other side of the table were myself, Yuri, and Bill.
Me: “Good afternoon, gentlemen. I trust you have heard of the
proposed ‘Super Bowl Half-time Surprise’.”
Fukunaga: “You’re even nuttier than usual, Mr. Falkner.”
Me: “I have but one question, especially for your parent company, Mr.
Fukunaga… Can you afford not to go along with this and become a name
sponsor??”
Fukunaga: “You realize this would be all but an all-or-nothing
proposition…”
Me: “Do you realize how close to bankruptcy every anime company
probably is?”
Fukunaga: “But…”
Me: “And your parent, Navarre, which has already been bankrupted
once??”
I had to call in that one, from about 1996-97, from when Deborah
Gibson had, at first, had her first indie album distributed by a
subdivision of Navarre, when Navarre went bankrupt…
Me: “You need a new _paying_ audience, Mr. Fukunaga, or the numbers
don’t work -- not here, and certainly not in Japan…”
Bandai Entertainment’s USA head was keen to the idea (since Bandai had
been talking in terms of “Why are we even marketing to America when
the numbers clearly do not work??”), as was, surprisingly, Viz (maybe
the fact that Naruto played a prominent part in the AMV had something
to do with it…).
Gen sighed, and, having had his sense of face played to, decided to,
reluctantly, play along. The fact that most of the actual money was
from “other investors” (Gen didn’t know they were from Kaleido Stage.)
had something to do with it.
==================
A week before the Super Bowl, we all were flown to Tampa and had
another round of meetings with the NFL, security officials from
everything from the league to the stadium to Homeland Security.
Once all those meetings were done and all plans finalized, the NFL
officially signed off on all our plans, as mutually agreed. We were
presented with the block of 20 50-yard line tickets, and a spot to
announce the event at the NFL Super Bowl Media Day.
===================
On that day, we assembled in the site of the Super Bowl in Tampa, and
hundreds of reporters were just wrapping up interviewing the NFC
Champions (the AFC titlists had been interviewed earlier).
Just then, their attention was turned to the opposite end of the
field, as NFL media officials had hastily set up a podium for a press
conference, starring myself, Bill, May, Mia, and Yuri.
Me: “Ladies and gentlemen of the media, Funimation, Viz, and Bandai
are proud to present the ‘Super Bowl Halftime Surprise’.”
“This surprise takes place in two parts, and is meant to show the
international appeal of anime and animation to a whole new audience of
over a billion people who will watch Super Bowl XLIII.”
“The first part will be at the Pepsi Smash concert, to air on VH1 on
Thursday night. The climactic moment will be when a new acrobatic
superstar, May Wong of China…”
… who then stepped forward and bowed, about the most humble thing
she’s ever done. (She was told not to let her bravado blow the big
moment -- her bravado could be for after the performances.)
“… wearing a specially tailored lingerie outfit from the newest Smash
sponsor, Victoria’s Secret, will perform a death-defying trapeze feat
unheard of in the history of acrobatics, the Demon Spiral.”
“Three days later, at the Super Bowl, she will perform again on the
field, to preview a long commercial break at the end of the halftime
entertainment. This event will showcase anime and animation as the
art form of the future, in hopes that people will be willing to give
this material a chance, and their financial support…”
At that point, questions rained down fast and furious at all of us.
“What is the Demon Spiral?” “Who do you think you are??” “Where is
the money coming from??”
All questions were deftly batted aside by a combination of May (vis-à-
vis the performance) and Yuri (vis-à-vis the economics).
Finally, our time was up, and it was time to get ready for May’s first
Spiral on Thursday night.
===============
The Pepsi Smash concert was a howling success… Sora, Layla, and the
rest of the Kaleido Stage (including the investors) had been
discreetly warped in the day before in Tallahassee.
Layla was with May backstage. May was still fuming at the lack of
clothing, and I was basically barred from backstage (but had the
credentials to stay in the area and watch…).
Just then, the host of the show came out and introduced the production
number.
A number of models came out, sporting “demonic-ly” sexy lingerie, as
spotlights scanned the entire outdoor arena…
As the show went on, the lights began to turn upward, as May was
ascending the one side of the trapeze setup. Yuri was already perched
high above the other side…
Sora (to me, stage-side): “She’s so beautiful, but how did you
convince her to perform in the lingerie…”
Me: “Taking a lot of verbal abuse, and assuaging her ego.”
Sora smiled and elbowed me.
Just then, Yuri swung out into position for the catch as the music
died and the Victoria’s Secret models left the stage.
The lights dimmed, except up at the top… May, dressed in a black
negligee and only black wings otherwise, flung the wings earthward as
she took to the trapeze with her normal reckless abandon…
She swung once…
Twice…
Several more times…
And then…
“DEMON --- SPIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-RAL!!!!!!”
Her arms and legs became an implausible whirl as no one could
successfully keep track of what was where -- though a few fan boys
wanted what little she was wearing to come off… Oh, the wonders of
body tape…
Soon, almost too soon, her hands smacked Yuri’s as they had Leon’s
many times before.
The crowd couldn’t believe it. They were silent.
We were scared… We didn’t know if they hated it or…
A replay was shown -- when it was shown not to be a camera trick, the
crowd erupted!!!
May jumped in the air on the platform with Yuri and screamed!! The
crowd just cheered, dumbfounded as to what they had seen…
They kept showing it in replay several times, and had to slow it down
just to see that it was May, and not a series of tricks…
May hit the ground, and the first person to throw a blanket on her to
cover her and congratulate her??
Sora.
===========
A few hours later, after endless media interviews:
Me: “That was incredible…”
May: “I know. I know.”
Mia: “I can’t believe you pulled that off…”
May: “No, you just can’t believe the rest of my clothes didn’t fall
off… Grrrr….”
Bill: “If I hadn’t seen that, I wouldn’t have believed it either…”
“But, remember, that’s only the first impossible task…”
===========
The weather in West Florida couldn’t have been better for the “Big
Game”. (Still can’t understand why we can’t call it the Super Bowl
that much…)
The game was tied at halftime, Springsteen was his spectacular self,
and then May went out to do a much simpler trick. Everything went as
arranged, except we were forced to actually use a net…
Everybody looked at May funny when she said that might not be
necessary.
The others of us, in our block of 20 50-yard line seats, were eating
concessions as May flew through the air, and fired a pyrotechnic,
except in the middle of her trick, before catching as the AMV started…
===========
The game had ended and new Super Bowl champions were crowned.
Confetti of the team’s colors had fallen on the field, and the
investors of Kaleido Stage were already talking to May and Sora about
the plans for what they could do with this, a smashing success (at
least for the Kaleido Stage people -- not sure about the anime, as of
this point…).
But May had a dinner date with me, Yuri, Bill, and Mia…
So, not entirely willingly -- that is, until Sora proposed suspending
relevant talks until they returned to Cape Mercy, we got May out of
there, heading to the Restaurant at the End of the Universe...
So we went out to an awaiting NFL Media car, and it took us back to a
back alley of our (quite remote) hotel.
We stepped into the time machine in the loading area…
=============
… and we stepped out in Milliways.
Bill got out the relevant currency (I had put a penny into Laura
Bailey‘s bank account to cover the expenses…), and we all sat down.
Stories flew of everything we had accomplished to get there, possible
plans from there.
The food was everything you could expect from Milliways. The cow was
great, the vegetables -- were tolerable…
But then, a new mortgage crash occurred…
… and then we were given dessert…
Me: “Great… So the economic crisis _WAS_ The End of the World As We
Know It…”
Medium Challenge: “Three Impossible Tasks Before Dinner”
Team Braintrust: Mia Gillem, Yuri Killian, and May Wong of “Kaleido
Star” and the writer, me, Michael Falkner.
(Special Appearance by the Chief of the Challenges: Bill Martin)
=====
All I can say is that it had already been a full week. I had just
brought my friend back from a party and I could only be glad that it
went well, because nothing else was.
My friend had a four-figure package somewhere in the ether of manual
shipping. You’d think they could actually ship something worth a damn
from point to point in a reasonable amount of time without
conveniently forgetting it somewhere.
Or is it now “When it absolutely, positively has to be there when we
feel like putting the damn thing in the truck?”
*sigh* _More_ idiocy.
Well, at least I had some friends coming over for a while -- and it
didn’t even have to be a week this time. I didn’t even realize until
a few days before that I had actually had an update to the ol’ Zap-I-
Tron which allowed me to keep my friends more than a week.
So it was a relief when I hit the button and over to my apartment came
Mia Gillem (with a big hug), May Wong (likewise, surprisingly), and
Yuri Killian.
Me: “Good to see you all again…”
Mia: “Well, now that we have all the time off we need, it’s almost a
pleasure that we get to come here. Thanks…”
Me: “Let me guess…”
May: “The freaking idiots in this world can’t keep an economy going
without their hands in the pie!! BAWRRAWRAWRAR….”
May’s continued barking woke my roommate, who was not pleased.
Yuri quieted May and my roommate, and we went on from there…
Me: “So Kaleido Stage is kaput too, eh?”
Yuri: “Yep. The investors still have quite a bit of money, but not
nearly enough to keep the Stage afloat long-term. So they’re looking
into other revenue streams and the like. Preliminary plans are in
place for a “Farewell Tour” to span the country, and we’re looking
forward to the opportunity.”
May: “They’re not only wrecking my dream of stardom, they’re wrecking
my country too…”
Me: “I know. And I fear that’s going to get worse…”
But, just as the discussion was about to turn more political, another
light came into the room…
Me: “Wait, I didn’t summon a four…”
A dapper gentleman came out of the light this time -- I had seen him
once before.
Me: “Mr. Martin… Good to see you again…”
Bill: “Good to see you too, hopefully in a lot less combative of a
mood than I’ve seen you lately…”
Me: “Well, I’m not dealing with idiots here…”
May smiled and flicked her hair.
Bill: “So, let’s see…”
He scanned a list…
Bill: “Team Braintrust -- Mia Gillem, Yuri Killian, and May Wong…”
Mia: “Good to meet you, and you are??”
Bill: “Ahh… I guess I should get right to it. My name is Bill, and
I’ve been the one sending you around on these Challenges every year
for the last few. Michael here has chosen to participate -- this is
his third year.”
May immediately interrupted: “So you’re the idiot that sent us to the
Land of the Lost last year…”
Bill: “Guilty as charged. I almost didn’t think you guys would get
out, but you somehow lucked into it.”
Mia: “They told us about that. Good grief…”
Yuri: “So, I guess you’re here to give us this year’s Challenge.”
Bill: “Correct, Mr. Killian. And I’m here, in some small way, to
take part…”
I arched my eyebrow.
Bill: “Have you heard of the Restaurant at the End of the Universe,
Milliways?”
I shook my head. Mia knew of it, but didn’t think it really existed,
in any dimension.
Yuri: “Faintly in my studies many years ago… Why do you ask?”
Bill: “I would like to take you to dinner there, if you earn the right
to go.”
Me: “And the ‘earning the right to go’ is the Challenge.”
Bill: “You are smarter than most believe, Michael.”
May: “Now wait a minute… He’s not that dumb…”
Bill: “There are those who would claim otherwise. He’s more than a
bit stubborn in his beliefs.”
May smiled at me and actually put her arm around me for a second as
she flicked her hair confidently with her other hand.
May: “Maybe he’s my type of guy…”
I giggled. May certainly had the body I might want and the wildcat
attitude that might keep me on my toes, but it was time to be on task.
Bill: “Your task is simple… There is an old saying: ‘If you’ve done
three impossible things today, top it off with dinner at Milliways.’
So, I literally want you to accomplish three impossible tasks. I have
a list here of various tasks that would qualify, in my view…”
Bill then handed me a large piece of paper with a list of tasks…
I then immediately said: “ARE YOU CRAZY?? Pay off the entire US
mortgage debt??? Find Osama bin Laden??? Hell, for that one, find
George W. Bush and the people protecting Osama in our government and
that’ll give you all the answers you need for that one!!!”
Bill grimaced. He didn’t think I would be _that_ difficult.
May then took the paper and similarly screamed: “YOU ARE NUTS!!
Resuscitate a dinosaur from fossil bones? Raise the Titanic?? Get a
block of 20 50-yard line Super Bowl tickets? Buy a Super Bowl
commercial for an AMV of 3-4 minutes??? Send me…”
My eyes lit up at the last two.
Me: “Stop. May, stop for a second…”
“Strategy time. Bill, make yourself comfortable. I may need to ask
you for a ruling on some of these…”
May: “You aren’t seriously considering…”
Me: “There’s a couple in there that might be easier than the others
-- we would just have to come up with a third…”
Mia: “What do you have in mind…”
Me: “As I said, Strategy Time…”
I sat my team down.
Me: “There’s one very important thing you have to understand. Things
are moving very quickly in our world(s) today. You know this from the
financial disasters which have felled Kaleido Stage.”
“They have also felled many of the top companies in the country as
well, including most of the investment banks.”
“Although Super Bowl tickets are ridiculously expensive at the 50 yard-
line, going for thousands upon thousands, that price usually, to the
great chagrin of football fans, makes the Super Bowl venue not one for
fans, but one for corporate pigs like the ones who felled Kaleido
Stage.”
May: “What do you have in mind?”
Me: “If some of them had to liquidate as a condition of government
help or a bankruptcy, there might be tickets available in sufficient
quantity at a ticket broker.”
Yuri: “But that would require connections…”
Me: “As would what else I have planned. As you probably can figure
out, 4 minutes of Super Bowl commercial time is pushing eight
figures. Yuri, you’re telling me the investors of Kaleido Stage are
looking for revenue streams -- how about having May perform at the
Super Bowl as a prelude to this…”
Yuri began to look interested. May’s eyes perked up!
Yuri: “They’d have to come up with about $10-12 million to do it…
And, believe you and me, they’d have to be trusted that they could get
it back.”
Me: “They’d have front-row seats to the spectacle.”
May: “Then WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR??”
Me: “A third impossible task, and to try to get a ruling from Bill to
make sure this is sufficient…”
Mia: “How about having May perform the Demon Spiral to Yuri at the
Super Bowl??”
May: “And that’s something Sora can’t lay claim to.”
Me: “Exactly. She’d be watching, right next to me and Ken…”
Me: “Basically, she performs as part of a surprise addition to the
Super Bowl half-time show, after Bruce Springsteen. A minimalist
trapeze set-up is brought out, and, after she performs the Spiral, she
shoots off a pyrotechnic device toward the Jumbotron at the stadium,
at which point the stadium and the audience at home get to see the AMV
commercial.”
Yuri: “For what, I may ask??”
Me: “Anime, as an art form -- including footage from your Kaleido
Stage.”
Yuri: “I think I can talk them into it, but I’d have to go back to do
it.”
Me: “I’ll need all your negotiation skills, Yuri, both here and
there. We’d have to talk to NBC, potential other sponsors of the
event, the NFL, probably the federal government…”
Of course, Bill overheard the entire conversation.
Bill: “That’s all fine and good, Michael. There’s only one problem.”
“I would much rather not have everything wrapped around the Super Bowl
day. I think you’re making it a bit too easy. Try to come up with
another venue for May to perform the Spiral, and you might have a
deal!”
My lips pursed. I had to come up with another work-around.
Yuri: “Here’s the plan. Send me back so I can talk to the
investors. I know I’ll probably need a briefcase of cash to pull this
off for the commercial time.”
May: “I can start planning out the setup for the performance with
Mia…”
Me: “And I’ll have to try to figure out exactly what we can set up.
And, when you get back with the cash, we’re going to need to scour any
resources we can find for tickets to the game itself.”
With that, Bill nodded and warped out -- I warped Yuri back to Cape
Mercy, and Mia and May began planning for the performance of a
lifetime.
=====
Back at Cape Mercy in Kaleido Stage’s realm, Yuri hit the ground
running.
Phone calls to the investors of Kaleido Stage and to the Hamilton
Foundation (who vowed to offer whatever help they could to the Kaleido
Stage cast and crew to transition them to the next phase of their
careers) were met with some skepticism, but they all decided to meet
on 24 hours notice.
In the penthouse meeting room of the Hamilton Foundation in Cape
Mercy, Yuri brought it all to order.
Yuri: “I know you think I’m crazy here…”
Mr. Hamilton: “Obviously, we do. What in the Hell are you thinking?
There’s no way we could crash the Super Bowl half-time show in God-
knows-where to try to revive Kaleido Stage…”
Yuri: “Mr. Hamilton, I am proposing that there are parties where I
have gone to that say they can try to put it all together.”
Investor #2: “You realize this is a National Security Event.”
Yuri: “Correct. The government would also be part of the
negotiations.”
Investor #3: “I mean, we could come up with the money, but what’s in
it for us?”
Yuri: “Exposure to a whole new world of an audience…”
That got the investors’ attention…
Mr. Hamilton: “So, exactly what did you have in mind?”
Yuri: “My sources have put together a promotional video for various
entities including Kaleido Stage. This would open up the
possibilities of a tour to a whole new audience that no one in this
room could ever have otherwise dreamed…”
“The only drawback is the economic conditions, but that’s a given
whatever we do.”
Most of the investors began to nod.
Mr. Hamilton: “I’m still not convinced. What’s in it for us to give
you upwards of $15 million for this project?”
Yuri: “Two things. First, a whole new world of possibilities for
Kaleido Stage. Yes, they are only _possibilities_, but they are more
than we have now.”
“And, if you’ll forgive me for calling in a couple of chips -- Layla
isn’t able to find much work on a moribund Broadway and you did
promise whatever help you could provide…”
Mr. Hamilton, the last barrier to pulling this off, pursed his lips
severely, grimaced, and then bent.
Mr. Hamilton: “Authorize the cash. Yuri, I am only doing this
because I trust you. Fail me once, and you lose that trust forever.”
Yuri: “I will not let you down. As I said, you will have prime seats
for the entire spectacle.”
He nodded, and, within two days, Yuri had a briefcase full of enough
cash to buy the commercial time and then some.
====
So, imagine my surprise when he warps back, and we find out that he
has secured the necessary cash, at the least to buy the commercials,
and probably the game tickets on top of it.
Me: “Well, that’s step one. Mia, how are you and May coming along?”
Mia: “Well, that’s just it… We’re trying to figure out a venue…”
Me: “Well, I have some good news for us. Read this headline…”
They all picked up an Internet print-out from some of the places I
find news at.
The headline read: DOWNTURN BANKRUPTCIES SPARK PANIC AT NBC -- SOME
SUPER BOWL ADS STILL UNSOLD DUE TO BANKRUPTCIES…
Just then, as if on a cue, Bill warped in.
Bill: “So how’s it going?”
Yuri: “Better than you might think. I have enough cash to buy the
time, but it’s a matter that I have to arrange meetings with the NFL
and NBC, as well as all other relevant parties.”
Me: “And you’re going to need to be there to show your idea, or at
least the basis for it.”
“May, you been practicing?”
May: “I keep myself in top shape all the time for my next
opportunity.”
Me: “Good. You’ve got about a month before a whole new audience sees
the Demon Spiral.”
“Bill, I need you to contact the head of marketing at NBC, and
probably see if we can arrange an audience with that person, the head
of NBC Sports, and probably at least the head of marketing at the NFL,
if not Roger Goodell himself.”
“And tell them to bring all other relevant parties…”
===========
The meeting didn’t start off well…
“But we already have the halftime show with Mr. Springsteen. What is
this madness?”
Yuri: “We have a consortium of various companies put together to help
alleviate some of your problems with some of the commercial time that
the investment companies have had to cede due to their bankruptcies…”
NBC: “But this is madness…”
Yuri: “You’re publicly having trouble filling your commercial airtime
for the Super Bowl. What kind of an embarrassment would it be for
your network not to fill all the commercial time, at whatever price…”
At that point, he opened the briefcase…
“… for the biggest television event of the year.”
NBC: “Get security.”
I tensed.
NBC: “No, not for that. We need a bonded person to help make sure
you aren’t fooling us with counterfeit cash. We also need to figure
out if this is enough to pull this off.”
While a bonded security person had all the cash counted and inspected,
the meeting continued…
NFL: “So what is this you have in mind?”
Bill: “I have a promotional video for anime, including footage from
some of the business ventures Mr. Killian is involved with…”
NBC: “But isn’t that all fake animation?”
Bill: “You would think so, but that gets to the other part of our
proposal…”
Me: “The Super Bowl Halftime Surprise”
I then laid out plans that Mia and May came up with.
Me: “Two of Kaleido Stage’s top performers, including Mr. Killian…”
That got their attention -- not only a keen business mind, but a
performer as well???
Me: “… will perform a death-defying trapeze stunt on the field just
before the commercial. Professional staff will aid in getting the
appartus off the field before the second-half kickoff…”
NFL: “We’ll have to run this through Homeland Security, obviously…
We can do that, as part of our security ventures for the event…”
Just then, the bonded security ducked his head in and said “They’re
legit. It’s more than enough!”
Me: “Obviously. I can also try to run this through other sponsors as
well…”
Bill: “But, remember, if you want to pull all this off, we need
another event for her to perform at as well…”
Just then, the NFL marketing head perked up…
NFL: “Viacom is holding a Super Bowl Bash, sponsored by Pepsi -- a
Pepsi Smash concert featuring Fall Out Boy and Rihanna. It will be
held the Thursday before the Super Bowl, and to air on VH1. May can
do the Demon Spiral there, and we’ll see to it that she can do a
smaller performance just before your commercial.”
“There is but ONE catch…”
Me: “Oh?”
NFL: “Victoria’s Secret is also a sponsor to the event, and wants in
on it…”
Me: “Then I have but one counter-catch…”
NFL: “Oh?”
Me: “The investors are going to need 20 50-yard line seats…”
NFL: “Do you have $150,000 more than the commercial cost??”
Me: “Check with your security person and the NBC marketing head.”
The three-way conference responded in the affirmative, and, thanks to
the bankruptcy of a major NFL sponsor investment bank, we had the
tickets and the commercial time.
Just a little matter of May performing in lingerie…
===========
May almost went ape-shit when the proposal we agreed to was laid out
to her…
May: “You want me to perform in freaking dental floss???”
Mia: “I do wonder if this was the NFL’s idea or Mike’s…”
Mia giggled.
Me: “It’s a condition of your performance, and…”
May: “Who the Hell makes it a condition of a performance to be jack-
off material for the entire freaking universe??”
Me: “I have to admit, the sight of either of you in lingerie is a
definite turn-on…”
Mia went red, embarrassed.
May went it for a different reason and started barking at me!
May: “You ARE a pervert. You’re scum!! I can’t believe…”
Yuri: “Actually, it was partially the NFL’s suggestion, as they got a
new sponsor for the feat, and partially Bill’s, for some odd reason.”
May: “Then HE’S a pervert and scum too!!”
May cooled down a _little_…
May: “What’s in it for me?”
Me: “Something Sora will never do. J”
With that, May grumbled about her humility and went off…
Me: “And Layla will be watching with us at the Smash concert as well
as at the 50-yard line…”
May’s face lit up… “Layla-san!!!”
Me: “Precisely. Now go practice… I have to have a word with Yuri.”
Me: “Yuri, we have but one more meeting, and it’ll have to be
somewhere in Texas…”
Then, I said sotto voce: “And more fan boys than you’ll know what to
do with…”
============
A week or so later, with only 10 days left, another top-level meeting
was held. Gen Fukunaga was in the room, along with the heads of Viz
and Bandai Entertainment USA.
On the other side of the table were myself, Yuri, and Bill.
Me: “Good afternoon, gentlemen. I trust you have heard of the
proposed ‘Super Bowl Half-time Surprise’.”
Fukunaga: “You’re even nuttier than usual, Mr. Falkner.”
Me: “I have but one question, especially for your parent company, Mr.
Fukunaga… Can you afford not to go along with this and become a name
sponsor??”
Fukunaga: “You realize this would be all but an all-or-nothing
proposition…”
Me: “Do you realize how close to bankruptcy every anime company
probably is?”
Fukunaga: “But…”
Me: “And your parent, Navarre, which has already been bankrupted
once??”
I had to call in that one, from about 1996-97, from when Deborah
Gibson had, at first, had her first indie album distributed by a
subdivision of Navarre, when Navarre went bankrupt…
Me: “You need a new _paying_ audience, Mr. Fukunaga, or the numbers
don’t work -- not here, and certainly not in Japan…”
Bandai Entertainment’s USA head was keen to the idea (since Bandai had
been talking in terms of “Why are we even marketing to America when
the numbers clearly do not work??”), as was, surprisingly, Viz (maybe
the fact that Naruto played a prominent part in the AMV had something
to do with it…).
Gen sighed, and, having had his sense of face played to, decided to,
reluctantly, play along. The fact that most of the actual money was
from “other investors” (Gen didn’t know they were from Kaleido Stage.)
had something to do with it.
==================
A week before the Super Bowl, we all were flown to Tampa and had
another round of meetings with the NFL, security officials from
everything from the league to the stadium to Homeland Security.
Once all those meetings were done and all plans finalized, the NFL
officially signed off on all our plans, as mutually agreed. We were
presented with the block of 20 50-yard line tickets, and a spot to
announce the event at the NFL Super Bowl Media Day.
===================
On that day, we assembled in the site of the Super Bowl in Tampa, and
hundreds of reporters were just wrapping up interviewing the NFC
Champions (the AFC titlists had been interviewed earlier).
Just then, their attention was turned to the opposite end of the
field, as NFL media officials had hastily set up a podium for a press
conference, starring myself, Bill, May, Mia, and Yuri.
Me: “Ladies and gentlemen of the media, Funimation, Viz, and Bandai
are proud to present the ‘Super Bowl Halftime Surprise’.”
“This surprise takes place in two parts, and is meant to show the
international appeal of anime and animation to a whole new audience of
over a billion people who will watch Super Bowl XLIII.”
“The first part will be at the Pepsi Smash concert, to air on VH1 on
Thursday night. The climactic moment will be when a new acrobatic
superstar, May Wong of China…”
… who then stepped forward and bowed, about the most humble thing
she’s ever done. (She was told not to let her bravado blow the big
moment -- her bravado could be for after the performances.)
“… wearing a specially tailored lingerie outfit from the newest Smash
sponsor, Victoria’s Secret, will perform a death-defying trapeze feat
unheard of in the history of acrobatics, the Demon Spiral.”
“Three days later, at the Super Bowl, she will perform again on the
field, to preview a long commercial break at the end of the halftime
entertainment. This event will showcase anime and animation as the
art form of the future, in hopes that people will be willing to give
this material a chance, and their financial support…”
At that point, questions rained down fast and furious at all of us.
“What is the Demon Spiral?” “Who do you think you are??” “Where is
the money coming from??”
All questions were deftly batted aside by a combination of May (vis-à-
vis the performance) and Yuri (vis-à-vis the economics).
Finally, our time was up, and it was time to get ready for May’s first
Spiral on Thursday night.
===============
The Pepsi Smash concert was a howling success… Sora, Layla, and the
rest of the Kaleido Stage (including the investors) had been
discreetly warped in the day before in Tallahassee.
Layla was with May backstage. May was still fuming at the lack of
clothing, and I was basically barred from backstage (but had the
credentials to stay in the area and watch…).
Just then, the host of the show came out and introduced the production
number.
A number of models came out, sporting “demonic-ly” sexy lingerie, as
spotlights scanned the entire outdoor arena…
As the show went on, the lights began to turn upward, as May was
ascending the one side of the trapeze setup. Yuri was already perched
high above the other side…
Sora (to me, stage-side): “She’s so beautiful, but how did you
convince her to perform in the lingerie…”
Me: “Taking a lot of verbal abuse, and assuaging her ego.”
Sora smiled and elbowed me.
Just then, Yuri swung out into position for the catch as the music
died and the Victoria’s Secret models left the stage.
The lights dimmed, except up at the top… May, dressed in a black
negligee and only black wings otherwise, flung the wings earthward as
she took to the trapeze with her normal reckless abandon…
She swung once…
Twice…
Several more times…
And then…
“DEMON --- SPIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-RAL!!!!!!”
Her arms and legs became an implausible whirl as no one could
successfully keep track of what was where -- though a few fan boys
wanted what little she was wearing to come off… Oh, the wonders of
body tape…
Soon, almost too soon, her hands smacked Yuri’s as they had Leon’s
many times before.
The crowd couldn’t believe it. They were silent.
We were scared… We didn’t know if they hated it or…
A replay was shown -- when it was shown not to be a camera trick, the
crowd erupted!!!
May jumped in the air on the platform with Yuri and screamed!! The
crowd just cheered, dumbfounded as to what they had seen…
They kept showing it in replay several times, and had to slow it down
just to see that it was May, and not a series of tricks…
May hit the ground, and the first person to throw a blanket on her to
cover her and congratulate her??
Sora.
===========
A few hours later, after endless media interviews:
Me: “That was incredible…”
May: “I know. I know.”
Mia: “I can’t believe you pulled that off…”
May: “No, you just can’t believe the rest of my clothes didn’t fall
off… Grrrr….”
Bill: “If I hadn’t seen that, I wouldn’t have believed it either…”
“But, remember, that’s only the first impossible task…”
===========
The weather in West Florida couldn’t have been better for the “Big
Game”. (Still can’t understand why we can’t call it the Super Bowl
that much…)
The game was tied at halftime, Springsteen was his spectacular self,
and then May went out to do a much simpler trick. Everything went as
arranged, except we were forced to actually use a net…
Everybody looked at May funny when she said that might not be
necessary.
The others of us, in our block of 20 50-yard line seats, were eating
concessions as May flew through the air, and fired a pyrotechnic,
except in the middle of her trick, before catching as the AMV started…
===========
The game had ended and new Super Bowl champions were crowned.
Confetti of the team’s colors had fallen on the field, and the
investors of Kaleido Stage were already talking to May and Sora about
the plans for what they could do with this, a smashing success (at
least for the Kaleido Stage people -- not sure about the anime, as of
this point…).
But May had a dinner date with me, Yuri, Bill, and Mia…
So, not entirely willingly -- that is, until Sora proposed suspending
relevant talks until they returned to Cape Mercy, we got May out of
there, heading to the Restaurant at the End of the Universe...
So we went out to an awaiting NFL Media car, and it took us back to a
back alley of our (quite remote) hotel.
We stepped into the time machine in the loading area…
=============
… and we stepped out in Milliways.
Bill got out the relevant currency (I had put a penny into Laura
Bailey‘s bank account to cover the expenses…), and we all sat down.
Stories flew of everything we had accomplished to get there, possible
plans from there.
The food was everything you could expect from Milliways. The cow was
great, the vegetables -- were tolerable…
But then, a new mortgage crash occurred…
… and then we were given dessert…
Me: “Great… So the economic crisis _WAS_ The End of the World As We
Know It…”